


Home Sweet Home

by VioletAmet



Series: Capricious [4]
Category: Shadowrun: Hong Kong
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Gen, I'm my own editor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Suggestive Themes, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-07-20 15:23:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 36,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16140068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletAmet/pseuds/VioletAmet
Summary: Even though she had made her choice, Carmen, formerly known as Capricious, struggles to adjust to her new life... but, it's harder said than done.A sort of what if based on one of the endings from the bonus campaign in Shadowrun: Hong Kong, plus drama and emotional angst. (Capricious wouldn't had chose this.)(I may, at some point, rewrite this entire story, from beginning to end. I'm not happy with how I end it, so I am going to do what I can, like I usually do, to write it properly next time. That is all, have a great day, folks!)





	1. A Target

"Hey, Santos, wear your blasted safety goggles and mufflers!" shouted one of the managers, tearing her attention away from the machines that stomped, whirred, clinked, and clanked, through out the warehouse.

She gave him a firm nod, then slipped her way past her co-workers, to the locker rooms. With a swipe of her card, it opened, revealing a flickering image of her time in Hong Kong. A smirk formed on her lips, before she slapped on her protective gear. Carmen laid her eyes once again on the image, remembering the faces of her old friends, before huffing out a sigh, and slamming her locker shut.

When she and Duncan had returned to Seattle, things were fine, despite how surreal it felt being back. He had set up his own private security firm, and with her help, took on legitimate work. Though it was safer, some part of her started to miss her old life.

In fact, she began to feel regret for taking the offer of getting her SIN back. From deep within, it grew bigger, and bigger, until eventually, Duncan brought it up one day, which turned into an ugly argument between them. At that point, she decided to get rid of her SIN, as well as cutting all ties with her brother.

She wasn't sure what's worse now - leaving her crew behind, or cutting her brother out of her life. In the end, out of her own free will, she became alone.

Even though, she did eventually find work here in this factory, when she saved a woman and her niece. It was a nasty fight, which caused Carmen her entire right arm, but she didn't care about that, as long as they were alive. In return, the woman, Moira, decided to give her a cybernetic right arm, and a job with repairing drones, and keeping the factory safe from outsiders, especially hackers.

It seems that this factory is not entirely legitimate, but, it pays well. Apparently, someone that Moira works for keeps this place under the palm of their hands, and takes in all sorts of people, as long as they keep things quiet.

Which Carmen was fine with.

 

When she was ordered to, Carmen jacked into the Matrix in the server room, and floated around in the wide space around her. She double checked everything that was stored within, as well as making sure that the security was tight.

Until she noticed the world around her flicker.

Without hesitation, she turned to an unfamiliar persona that appeared behind her, and summoned ESPs around her.

She heard the hacker chuckle, as they too summoned ESPs, then flicked a bolt of electricity towards Carmen.

Despite how much it hurt, she laughed, then used a killer program in retaliation

The hacker swiftly dodged the attack, and decided to throw another blast towards her, only to barely miss as she moved aside.

As she was about to throw another program to the hacker, she felt something hit her physical body, and forced her to jack out of the system with a dump shock.

She tried to pull herself together, to see a man wearing a uniform like hers stand above her, until everything faded to black.

 

Once the shock wore off, Carmen became alert, and tried to jump on her feet, only to realize that she was bound by rope. The sound of the security alarm going off, mixed with gun fire, screaming, and explosions. Carmen tried to break free from her bonds, but came to a stop when she caught the scent of cigarette smoke, and turned to face a disheveled man, with silver hair, and icy eyes, along with a drone that had dents and scratches etched into its body.

"Racter... Koschei... long time, no see," she said, with a smile, despite having mixed feelings about the situation.

He let out a grunt as he took a deep breath of the cigarette, then exhaled. "I suppose so," he replied in Cantonese, which made her chuckle.

"You know, you don't have to speak Cantonese, Racter. Come on, let me hear you speak English."

He stared at her, while tapping his finger against his cigarette to make the ash fall on to the ground. "You're a hard person to find," he continued in English, with that hint of a Russian accent. "At first, I thought you would be living with your brother... but then, I learned you decided to go off the grid, so to speak."

Carmen shrugged. "It was my own choice... speaking of, did you meet Duncan?"

Racter inhaled the cigarette once again. "Once," he answered, letting the smoke out in a puff. "He wasn't all too happy to see me, unlike you are right now, but he told me about what had happened between you two. I would give you sympathy, but... well... you know." He gave her a crooked grin, revealing his white teeth.

"Of course, of course... besides, it's not like I would had deserved it anyway. I made the choice myself, after all."

"Much like when you made the choice to take back your SIN. To side with that police woman..."

Koschei stepped forward to climb over Carmen. As she fixed her eyes on his red sensors, she felt a hint of nostalgia and happiness within. She gave him a coo, then laughed as she laid on her back. "So, you're planning to kill me... I'm surprised you haven't already."

"Oh, no, I couldn't do that while you were out," Racter said. "I want to give you a slow, painful death. I think you deserve that."

Carmen adjusted herself to make herself more comfortable for what Koschei was prepared to do. "Before Koschei kills me, do you mind getting something out of my pocket, Racter?"

He raised a brow. "Do you think I would fall for such an obvious trap?"

"No, I'm being serious! Just... get my PDA and credstick. Since I'm going to die, I don't think I need them anymore." She then stuck her neck out. "You might want them before they get damaged in the process... especially since I can't move my body all that much."

Racter stared at her, before he decided to step forward and kneel before her. Once he dug his hand into her pocket, he pulled them out with surprising ease. Curious, he checked how much she had. "One hundred thousand nuyen?" he asked with a scoff.

"Yep! All for you now!"

"Are you trying to bribe your way out of death?"

"Is it working?" She laughed and gave him a wink, before she shook her head with a small smile. "No, it's not a bribe... it's... payment. For all the trouble I've no doubt caused you and the others. I tried to send you guys my cash when I became SINless, but I couldn't get in touch with Gobbet, Isobel, and Gaichu... so... I wanted to give you half of what I've earned the past few months..."

Racter took out his own PDA to check his account. That certainly explains where the money had come from, he thought, before pocketing it all. "You... are something else, Capricious," he said as he ran his hand over her forehead.

Carmen gave a brief laugh as she felt his familiar warmth. She felt her eyes water up, but she bit on her lip and shut her eyes to fight back against the tears. "Just... get it over with, Racter. Kill me. You here on a job, aren't you? So, kill me."

Racter pulled out the cigarette from his lips, before standing up and backing away from her. With nothing left to say, he watched as a saw came out from Koschei's body.

As the saw whirred closer and closer, memories of her life flashed before her eyes, of every struggle, joy, and suffering she had endured since childhood. All so very bitter, yet sweet somehow.

 

She tried to not to cry out in pain as Koschei pierced his limb through her right arm, and began to saw that off from her metal socket. Carmen then began to sputter out shaky laughs, as tears ran down her eyes. She deserved this, she thought. She betrayed her crew for a life that she had never really wanted in the first place.

But, it was for Duncan, she thought. She lost her friends, for her brother's life.

And now, as she lays on the cold hard ground, beneath a drone that belongs to man that she still considers a friend, she is going to die.

Another laugh escaped from her as she felt Koschei dig his limb into her other arm. Despite it not being metal, Carmen could not feel pain anymore. Instead, she resigned herself to her fate, so she decided to not cry, yell, fight, or even curse out at anyone or anything. Just only at herself from within her head.

 

Racter scowled as he watched Carmen lay beneath Koschei without struggle. The only thing she did was laugh, which shouldn't be a surprise to him. He had witnessed her act like this many times before, during similar situations. But this is different.

Koschei is the one who is tearing her apart.

But it wasn't satisfying Racter. With a snarl, Koschei backed away, to let him climb above Carmen.

She opened her watered up, redden eyes to stare into his icy glare, and gave him a small warm smile.

A familiar expression that held that hint of happiness whenever she visited him down in his workshop.

Racter wrapped his hands around her throat, to squeeze it tightly, making her choke and gasp.

But she still did not struggle. Even though she is bound, normally, she would fight back, but, she isn't.

His grasp on her tightened.

Until he let go of her.

Racter grabbed onto his cigarette, and flicked it away to the side of the room. He then brought up his bracer that was barely working, and pressed his hand against her neck.

She was still breathing.

And he hated it.

And her.

Once the screen guttered out, he got up from her, and walked out into the mess that was left behind in the chaos. Everything became quiet when he was with Carmen, so he assumed the job was finished.

He noticed a tall troll wave him over, and with a forced smile, he walked up to him, with Koschei close behind.

"The job's done, so let's get out," the troll ordered.

Racter quickly rose up his hand to stop the troll. "One moment, Chain Link, I need to speak with you about something."

"What is it, Racter? Didn't you kill the person you were hunting for?"

He glanced briefly towards the direction where Carmen was, then back at the troll. "She is indeed the one, but I have unfortunate news. I am going to take my leave from your crew."

Chain Link blinked, while the others muttered to each other in whispers. "Oh, really now? Since you have found her, you just want to leave us?"

Racter nodded his head with a smile. "I have done everything I needed to do, and so, I will take my leave."

Chain Link huffed as he turned on his heel. "I knew it..." he muttered. "Fine, you're off the crew, but don't expect any sort of payment out of this."

Racter dug his hands into his pockets, where he kept Carmen's PDA and credstick. "I will be fine, Chain Link. It was a pleasure to work with you."

The troll let out a rough grunt, before leading his crew out of the building.

 

Once he made sure they were gone, Racter returned to Carmen, and spotted a child with long white hair kneel before her, crying and trying to shake her away.

"Carmen! Please, wake up!" she yelled. "Please!"

"Ex-" Before the words were out of his mouth, the girl stood up immediately with a pipe in her hand, and faced Racter with narrowed red eyes, still pouring out tears.

"Did you kill her?!" she asked.

She lacked pigmentation on her skin, eyes, and frizzy hair.

"I asked you, did you kill Carmen?!" she yelled out.

Racter let out a sigh and shrugged. "I tried, child. But, she is still alive."

The girl blinked, and ran towards him with the pipe in her hands, until she was blocked by Koschei. He pushed her onto the ground, but did not keep her pinned. Instead, Racter took the pipe from her hands, and threw it behind him. "Listen, Carmen is still alive..." he said, though he didn't like hearing those words coming out from his mouth. "Just take her to a doctor."

The girl wiped her hands over her eyes, before she leaned over to Carmen. "I have to call... Auntie..."

Racter groaned as he never wanted to hear any variation of the word "Auntie" ever again once he left Hong Kong. "Who is this... aunt of yours?"

"Moira... She works as a cyberdoc... She helped Carmen... before..." The girl tried to pick her up, but lacked the strength to do so.

Racter smirked at her weak attempt, but then let out a harsh sigh, as he decided to release Carmen from her bonds, and picked her up. Why help her now, even though he wanted to kill her, he thought. He then looked down at the girl. "Lead me to her..."

"But... you told me... you tried to kill her."

"I did."

"But... you want to help... her?"

"Let's just move on, and help her. Please take the lead, child."

The girl paused as she looked over Carmen, then nodded her head eagerly. "My name is Fiona," she said.

Racter didn't say anything in response as he followed her.

There was this loud silence between them, as Fiona lead Racter far from the building, to crowded streets. She then stopped before a door that held a bright neon sign of a medical symbol above it. "Aunt Moira, it's me... Fiona..."

There was a pause, then the door opened, and a short human woman stepped out with a scowl. Her bright red hair was held in a tight bun, and freckles dotted her fair skin. She eyed Fiona, then noticed Carmen and Racter behind her. "She is injured, again..." she growled. "Bring her in, but I expect payment out of this... and who the hell are you even?" She pointed at Racter.

What a lovely person, Racter thought, before he said, "I'm just... Carmen's acquaintance."

"Oh really? You look like that man she has kept images of when she was in Hong Kong."

Racter perked a brow while a smile played on his lips. "Images? How curious."

Moira shrugged then waved her hand over one of the beds. "Just place her down on a bed, and I will tend to her... and you look like you are need of repairs yourself." She pointed at his legs.

Racter frowned at the thought of some cyberdoc messing with his cybernetics, even though he couldn't deny that he does need help. At some point, after Carmen had left, during a job, his cybernetic legs broke apart, which irritated him more than anything. When they were repaired, they weren't the same, and since then, he walked with a limp in his step. "I think she needs her arm, more than I need my limbs repaired," he spoke up as he laid Carmen down.

Moira chuckled briefly and shrugged. "If that's what you want, Dr. Racter."

He snapped his head towards her with a raised brow.

Fiona let out a gasp as she realized why he seemed so familiar to her. "Are you really Racter?! And is that drone Koschei?!" She squealed as she clapped her hands together energetically. "Carmen told me so many stories about you, and Gobbet, and Isobel, and Gaichu, and Duncan, and so much more! I can't believe it!" She then stopped when she remembered that he was the one who attacked her. "And you tried to kill her!"

Moira blinked. "Is this true?"

Koschei whirred, while Racter smiled. "Indeed, it is true."

Moira exchanged looks with Fiona with pursed lips, then looked at Carmen. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Carmen did tell me that, knowing you, you would have hunted her down if you cared enough. Or rather, hated her enough, for leaving you all behind." She then shrugged. "But, she still loved you all, and told me that she regretted her decision."

Racter stared down at Carmen's bruise that he gave her, and the socket where her metal arm was. Is that why she didn't fight back? Because she regret her decision? What a fool, he thought. She should had died, but no, he wouldn't be satisfied with that, as she wouldn't had cried out in pain, begging for him to stop. Instead, he would only be doing her a favor.

A harsh scoff escaped from him. "She is far from sane," he said as he sat on the bed next to hers.

"I think so, too," Moira replied. "Anyway, considering that you were the one that had attacked her, I assumed you must had attacked the factory as well."

"To some extent, yes, I did."

"To some extent?" Moira laughed. "There was a report about it from one of our informants. Now listen, I, personally, don't care what you do for a living, but, I don't want you to cause any more harm, to my niece or I."

Racter blinked. "I won't... but why is Carmen an exception... aside from the obvious?"

"Because, she knows the dangers of living the life of being an underground freelancer. She uses her skills to earn money, and risks her life to come out alive." Moira looked over to Fiona, while the child looked down at her legs, while clenching onto her pants. "She has certainly saved us before, and I owe her for it. But, what she does is up to her."

Racter looked to the child briefly, then to Moira. Koschei stretched himself out for Racter to caress his chassis. "I won't cause any harm... but, if I may ask, you work someone, no?"

"Yes. He is a fixer of sorts, who is something of an entrepreneur. He may not be happy to hear about what you have done."

"Then I should take my leave."

"Or, if you can make a good proposal, you can work for him, along with Carmen. That girl is a mess, and we can't keep track of her all the time."

"What do you mean by that?"

Moira huffed as she shook her head. "Depression, suicidal thoughts..." She shrugged. "As you said, she is anything but sane. Anyway, I have to take care of her, so, get comfortable. I will be working on her first, before I work on your legs - and before you say anything, yes, I know. She told me everything about you. The girl never stops talking about you, or the others." She let out a huff as she brought forth some equipment to Carmen's bed. "Is it true that she accepted a ghoul into her crew?"

"Yes..." he replied. "It's all true..."

"Unbelievable..." Moira smirked. "What a strange woman..."

\---

Carmen opened her eyes to the sight of a familiar ceiling, with bright luminescent light bulbs. The last thing she could remember was Racter strangling her, in an attempt to kill her, but now, she is here in Moira's clinic, breathing through a tube, and very much alive.

Something is not quite right, she thought. If Racter was indeed there, why isn't she dead? She should be dead.

Unless that was some sort of vivid dream.

That might had been true, until she noticed that her right arm is not the same as it was before. As she moved it, flexed it, and stretched out her hand, it felt like new. Which was weird. She felt weird.

Something is off, she thought.

Carmen laid her eyes on the curtain next to her. Another patient, no doubt. Curious, she pulled off the oxygen tube from her nose, before she got up from her bed, then reached out to the curtain to pull it back. Her jaw dropped as she couldn't believe her eyes.

Racter was very much here, sleeping in a bed next to hers. Underneath his bed is Koschei, "sleeping" as well.

Carmen drew herself closer to him, and planted a hand on his chest above his hospital gown. His breathing is slow and steady, and his heart beat is as calm as ever. She then looked up to his face, noticing that he had a short beard, and his silver hair had grown significantly since the last time she had seen him.

But, he still looked as handsome as ever, which made her grin.

Racter opened his eyes abruptly, making Carmen fall back with a yelp. He chuckled as he sat up, and watched her quickly straightened herself out, before she began to laugh as well.

Once her laughter died down, she asked, "Why didn't you kill me?"

Racter was silent, while Koschei slowly woke up from his slumber. He crawled out from under the bed, and shook his body much like a dog would. He then fixed his sensors on Carmen, and, just like before, she gave him a wave and a coo.

"Because, killing you wouldn't bring me the satisfaction I had yearned for when I was searching for you, Capricious," he replied.

"That's a surprise. You wouldn't enjoying dancing above my dissected body with Koschei?"

Racter let out a snort. "What a pleasant thought... but, unfortunately, I think I have to refrain myself from killing you, until I feel it's right."

"So, you still want me dead. Good to know!" Carmen chuckled, then sat on his bed. "You know... you can stop calling me 'Capricious', Racter. I don't need an alias here. It's not like I care anyway."

Racter hummed lowly. "Very well, Carmen... or do you prefer Ms. Santos?"

Carmen shrugged. "Either way, doesn't matter. People know me. My fixer knows me. The police knows me. And Duncan too... No reason to hide."

"I told you I have met him before, didn't I? Tell me, you had a chance, and blew it all away at that moment, but why? I have heard Duncan's side of the story, but I want to hear you explain yourself, as well."

Carmen lowered her head down, as she recalled the argument. "It was some time after we had come back to Seattle. While he was happy with his new job and all, I kind of grew tired of it really quickly. He knew this, and argued with me, which blew up into a full on headbutting, until I decided to call it quits, and burn my SIN, so I can become a runner again... and a freelancer. Whatever makes me happy... I just... didn't feel happy with that life... and my choice."

Racter sighed as he planted a hand on her back, only to push her off the bed gently. "So you do regret leaving us, in exchange for the SIN, that you actually didn't want... You certainly are fickle, Ms. Santos."

"Just Santos is fine, Racter," she said as she got on her feet. "Anyway, that's about it. You know, it's fun talking to you... I miss the conversations we used to have."

Racter frowned as he remembered them all very clearly in his head. "The promises you made... the times we had spent together... the killings..." He paused, then lifted up his clenched hand and released it as if to release something into the air. "I lost it all, Santos. Everything that I had owned in that ship. I lost it."

Koschei whirred loudly and clicked his limbs close to her feet. Carmen glanced down at him, then to Racter. "So, kill me. You still have a chance."

Racter stared at her in silence. She could tell there was rage burning behind his stoic expression, but he said, "No, I won't. Not yet. You're just asking for death."

"And...?"

He shook his head to dismiss it. "Nevermind. Instead, let's focus on something else. I was told you were working for a fixer; an entrepreneur. I want to speak to this man."

Carmen blinked, then frowned. "He won't be happy to hear that you demolished one of his factories, you know."

"But, I can make a proposal so that way, I can work once again."

Carmen paused. "Okay... I guess. I don't mind helping you, seeing that you... are here with me... alone... with Koschei..."

"Yes, yes, I left my last crew behind."

Carmen chuckled. "Somehow, I'm not surprised. But okay. I can't promise much, but, since you are a very intelligent man, with a beautiful mind, and a beautiful drone, I will help."

Racter raised up his hand before her face to wag his finger at her. "Flattery won't get you far with me, Santos."

"I know, but it's true, isn't it?"

Racter couldn't help but chuckle as he lowered his hand. "You have become stranger than before, Santos... are you dabbling into drugs perhaps? Chips?"

Carmen shook her head. "Only prescribed medications. Moira supplies me with those to help me."

"I see." He then laid back onto the bed, and ran his over his cybernetic limbs.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I am..." he replied with a smile. "I believe... I've never felt better."

"Why?"

"I am not sure, Santos... I suppose it's the new legs."

"Oh, really? Do you mind if I touch them?"

"I do, Santos, so keep your distance."

Carmen sighed, then sat back on her bed. "Very well. But, you know... it's good to see you again, Racter. Knowing that you're still alive and all..."

Racter laid his eyes on her face, taking in every detail. The way she smiled at him, with that glimmer of happiness in her eyes, and how relaxed she seemed being in his presence, was both familiar, yet different. Perhaps it was because her face was framed with natural dark brown hair, instead of the bleached strands he was used to.

"I know you won't forgive me for what I've done... but, I promise to help you get back on your feet, Dr. Racter. You deserve better."

He looked away from her, to the barred windows that let the sun's rays in the clinic. She really still cares about him, he thought.

\---

A few days had gone by, which was enough time for Carmen and Racter to recover. Moira supplied Carmen with extra bottles of medication, while Fiona stretched out her arms to give Carmen a hug. "I will be back, Fi,"Carmen said then pressed her cybernetic finger on her nose. "Remember, you have that monkey plushie, Sun Wukong, as your protector. And like how he guided Sanzang through their journey with friends, he will stay by your side, as long as you wish."

"I know, Carmen... but, that's just a story, and you're a real hero! You helped us! I want you to stay alive."

Carmen sighed as she patted her head. "I can't promise that, you know. Anyway, stay safe, you two."

"Of course, Carmen. But, you still owe me nuyen."

She clasped her hands together as she almost forgot, and was about to take out her credstick, before remembering that she gave it to Racter. He gave her a half smile, before deciding to pay the bills himself. "That should cover us both. Thank you very much, Dr. Moira."

"It has been a pleasure, and you're always welcome to my clinic any time. Now then, go meet the fixer, Midas. He doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Carmen let out a huff as she rolled her head to one side. "Yeah, I had an earful once when I missed one meeting, like I'm sort of child." She then muttered to herself in a whisper, "Almost as bad as Raymond, I swear."

 

"How are your legs, Racter?" Carmen asked as she walked by his side down the crowded streets.

"They are working well, Santos," he replied, with a cigarette between his fingers. "But they lack some things."

"Ah, sorry. I'm sure you can improve on it to make it better."

"I certainly hope this fixer has the proper connections for that to happen..."

"Midas is reliable." Carmen lead Racter down an alley that lead to a door below a building. With a couple of knocks, the slot above her opened, and she made eye contact with one cybernetic eye and one red eye. "Carmen 'Capricious' Santos here, along with a guest that wants to speak to Midas." She pulled out her PDA, that Racter gave back to her, and slid it into the slot.

The guard looked over it, then opened the door for them. She gave her the PDA back, then pointed up the stairs, which lead to a casino. Carmen took in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of cigars and cigarettes, before she rose her shirt over her nose. They passed by the gamblers and the drunks, until they reached to another guard, who simply nodded his head and moved aside. "He is at the usual spot," he said.

Carmen gave him a thumbs up and climbed up the steps to a private room, where she could finally breathe. "Worse than being choked out," she said.

Racter hummed lowly as he sucked on his cigarette.

"Hello, Midas," Carmen spoke up as she stepped forward to a dwarf man sitting on a velvet chair.

"Yes, hello, Carmen and..." he eyed Racter that stood behind her.

"This is Doctor Racter. A former roboticist." She waved Racter to step closer to him, with Koschei right at his side. "He has a proposal for you."

Midas narrowed his eyes as examined Racter from the tip of his boots, and up to his disheveled hair. "Aren't you one of the runners that destroyed my factory?"

"Yes," Racter replied without hesitation.

Midas gave him a hard look, before he burst out into laughter. "What a joke this is! What is your proposal then, 'Doctor'?"

"I wish to work with you, simply put." Racter puffed out his chest, and held a smile on his face, that just screamed "professional". Something that made Carmen giggle as she stood behind him. She had seen him act this way before during missions, but she wondered if it will work on Midas. "It was such a shame for such a wonderful factory, that produced such incredible drones, to be destroyed by runners like I, which is one reason why I had left the group."

"Sure, sure, that's what you say, but something tells me you're here for a different reason." Midas looked towards Carmen. "I heard about what you had tried to do to her from Moira. Personal business?"

"Yep," Carmen replied outright. "I don't hold it against him, though; he is just doing what he believe is right. Trust me when I say that Racter is brilliant, and unique! He created Koschei, the drone over there," she pointed at him with a wide smile, "and he is a force to be reckon with, I assure you."

Midas chuckled lowly as he shifted his eyes between the two. "You both have history... and, despite your attempt at killing her, Carmen doesn't really seem to care, so I will just let that slide, for now. But, if you ever try to hurt anyone else, I promise you, you are going to pay for it."

While Koschei's engines roared, Racter quickly calmed him down as he ran his hand over his chassis. "I promise you, I won't. Carmen is the only target I have my eyes on."

"Aw, I feel special," Carmen said in a joking manner, which got looks from the men.

Midas let out a huff as he extended his hand out. "Very well, just give me your PDA, so I can have your information, 'Doctor'."

Racter was reluctant, but he gave the dwarf his PDA for him to look over. Once he was done, he got it back, and tucked it into his pocket. "So, where should I stay for the time being?" he asked.

"You will be living in the same building as Carmen," Midas answered.

Racter blinked then turned to Carmen as she hummed a tune.

He sucked on his cigarette for a moment in silence. "What sort of building is this?"

Midas shrugged. "An apartment, all prepared with all sorts of things... I will just let Carmen show it to you herself. It's filled to the brim with runners and others sort of people, but I let them stay, for a price, much like Carmen here. "

Racter kept staring at her, while she stood with a smile, then turned back to Midas."I see... very well, then. I suppose that will have to do."

Midas gave a firm nod, before bringing up a screen before him. "Now then, go take care of yourselves. I will send Carmen a message about any sort of job I have for you."

"Thanks, Midas," Carmen said, then gently pat Racter's back. "It will be fun, I think."

"Right... 'fun'..." Racter repeated.

 

Despite the graffiti and property damage, the apartment was surprisingly stable, except for the residents within. Once they reached to their door, Carmen gave Racter a spare key, before sliding hers in through the slot. The door opened, and once they stepped inside, Racter looked over the various machinery, tools, and equipment that seemed to had once belonged in factories.

He then turned his gaze to the other half of the apartment, that had servers, computers, and monitors attached to monitors there. It was a stark contrast compared to the machinery, but somehow, they almost seem to mold together as two ends of one image.

"Right, so," Carmen waved her hands to every part of the room. "You got what you need there, I have my things there, the bathroom is over there, the kitchen is there, and... that's all. Oh, and if you need a bed, you can have the spare one."

"If I had to assume one thing, Santos," Racter spoke up, while raising his hand over his chin, "it almost seems like you had this all ready for someone... like me."

Carmen chuckled briefly, then sighed. "I... guess I felt... lonely in here, especially with all this space. I gave away all the old furniture that was here, to replace it all with the things I need, but... it still felt... empty, I guess you could say. So, I decided to bring in any machinery I could get my hands on, and install it here. Some of them are hand me downs and spares from other riggers." She shrugged. "People had helped me with it, but... I don't know. I guess I was just hoping to find a roommate, or something."

Racter gave a brief chuckle, as he walked up to the mechanical arms, that resembled the ones he used to own. "This certainly reminds me of my old workshop... as if, you had me in mind when you built it."

Carmen paused as she scratched the back of her neck. "It's... weird, isn't it? But... it's all yours now. The walls here are sturdy, and while this place isn't the Dowager Empress, I had some help from others to make it possible for any person specialized in robotics to use it."

Carmen walked up to a twin size bed, and pushed it over to his side of the room. "But... I really do want you to kill me, you know."

Carmen blinked as she struggled to fight back her watered up eyes. She cursed at herself, before picking up a towel and brought it up to her face.

Racter walked up to her in silence, and forced her to look him into his eyes. She couldn't focus, instead, her eyes shifted around, as if she was searching for something. A smile formed in his lips as he lowered his hand. "You're a liar," he said.

Carmen pursed her lips as she backed away. "S-so?" she hiccuped.

"Are you addicted to the chips that you installed in your brain?"

"You are in no place to criticize me, Racter. Are you still messing with those implants in yours?"

Racter chuckled lowly. "I've been told you were suffering from mental illness, but to take chips is a dangerous risk. While I am aware of what I'm doing, you don't have my advantage, Santos."

Carmen dug her face back into her towel, then dropped down to her knees. "I know... but... I don't know... my mind is... a mess."

"Take your pills, Santos, and lay down."

Carmen shook her head. "I am not going to let you manage my life, like how Duncan tried! No one has control over me!"

"That may be true, but, I can't work with someone who barely has herself together. So, take your medicine. Unless, you want me to 'help' you take it."

Carmen glared at Racter, then dropped the towel on the floor, to take her bottle of antidepressants. She was about to take it all down in one gulp, until Racter snatched it away from her. "Take your medicine as prescribed, Santos," he scolded her.

Carmen pursed her lips, then sighed as she extended out her hand. "Then help me, if you want to."

Racter checked the label, before he gave her a pill. Carmen went to a nearby sink to swallow it down with water, then went to pick up her towel, and laid on her mattress with it over her pillow. "These medications act fast," she said. "They also make me really drowsy sometimes, which is why I don't like taking them... but, as you said, relying on the chips are worse."

"How long have you been on these chips?" he asked while he tucked the bottle in his pocket.

Carmen thought about it, then shrugged. "I don't know... but, I know that not taking them anymore can give you some bad withdrawal."

"Then, I suppose, I will just have to help you manage."

"Really now?" She laughed. "The man who wants to kill me, now wants to help me live... to kill me."

Racter huffed as he stared down at Koschei. "It's not like me is it? Well, think of this as repayment for your help. One day, I will take your life, I promise."

"I hope you do, Racter... I really hope you do."


	2. Managing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day in Seattle.

Racter had almost forgot where he was, when he opened his eyes to the cracked ceiling above him. He turned his head towards Carmen, as she tied up her boots, and zipped up her jacket. From underneath his bed, he felt Koschei came to life, and hear his limbs click against the tiled floor, catching Carmen's attention.

"Good morning, Racter and Koschei," she said with a smile. "How did you sleep?"

Racter planted his cybernetic feet on the floor as he yawned. "I've slept well. Where are you going?"

"Got a small job to do, which means nuyen for me." Carmen chuckled. "I will be back in a few hours, maybe."

Racter pulled out a her antidepressants from his pocket, and shook in front of him to remind her. As much as she didn't want to, she swallowed a pill with some water, then washed her face, before she left with a smile.

Her movements were sluggish, and her face carried this expression of weariness, which was quite a difference compared to before. He should had followed her to keep an eye on her, but, there were other things he had to take of care first.

Koschei, and himself.

On a metal table, there was a terminal and a wide screen, all set up and ready for him to use, next to a pair of mechanical arms. He looked to Koschei for a moment with a smile, and a shine in his eyes, as ideas started to form in his head. As soon as he felt the flames of inspiration and motivation burn within, he went straight to work.

 

Once Racter finished replacing the broken parts of Koschei, and reapplied the self repair system, thanks to the copies of his files, he realized that Carmen has returned. She was sleeping on her bed, though when he took a look at the time, it was barely later than three in the afternoon.

How long was he working, Racter wondered, before waving the thought away, and got up from his chair to stretch. He noticed the holes and tears on his shirt, and on his pants, which reminded him to get some new clothes.

Before he would leave, he decided to check on Carmen. Once he placed his hand on her neck, she woke up with a start, and rolled off the bed with a yelp. She immediately got up while rubbing her eyes and cursed under her breath. "Is there something wrong?" she mumbled.

Racter grinned with a shake of his head. "No, Santos, there is nothing wrong." He paused. "Unless you have implanted chips in your body again."

Carmen frowned at him as she laid back down on her bed. "No, I didn't, Racter, I promise."

"Very well." He then turned away from her to leave the apartment.

"Wait, where are you going, Racter?"

"Shopping."

Carmen hurriedly climbed off her bed to follow him. "Do you mind if I come with you? I would like to help you find the best stores out there!"

He raised a brow. "I don't see why not, especially since you are more familiar with this city than I am."

Carmen laughed as she pushed the door open. She then took him by his hand, which he quickly took back, and gave her a cold look, which reminded her that things are not the same between them. "Sorry," she said, feeling ashamed, before she escorted him through the apartment, and out into the streets.

 

There were a lot of homeless people, among shop owners, and passerby. Racter turned his head up, to look at the tall buildings that almost seemed like they were reaching beyond the sky. He also noticed that it was becoming cloudy, which meant rain. Carmen took notice of it as well, so she quickened her pace to show him some stores around the block.

They had spent a little too much time shopping however, and the rain came pouring down, which prevented them from going out without umbrellas. The two stood beneath cover, as they watched the drops of water fall and hit the pavement beneath their feet.

A smile crept on Carmen's lips as memories of Heoi flashed through her mind. She rose her hand up to her chin as she vacantly stared at the rain.

Racter didn't exactly care for it himself, as it was more of a hindrance than anything. He then turned his attention to Carmen as she giggled.

The two exchanged looks, before she turned away with the smile on her lips, but sorrow in her eyes. She let out a soft sigh as she leaned against the wall behind them.

"So," she spoke up, breaking the silence between them, "how was everyone when I left?"

Racter turned to her, with his cold white eyes fixed on her with a slight frown. "What do you think, Santos? We weren't compatible to work with each other, due to our differences, which forced us to drift apart. While I did run with Gaichu, when I told him of my plans to search for you, he didn't want any part of it. Looking for you would be more trouble than it's worth, which he wasn't wrong about, considering your... current state."

With the bags held tightly in his grip, he stepped closer to Carmen, watching her straighten herself up to keep her eyes on him. Despite his stoic expression, his cold tone held spite. "You had left us all behind, and broke our promises."

"Then kill me," she replied with a wide grin. "If you hate me that much, then why are you holding yourself back, Racter?"

Racter scowled as he backed away from her. "You give in too easily, Santos. It's... boring."

Carmen rolled her eyes as she pushed herself off from the wall. "Well, if that is how you feel, I can help you find a better roommate to live with."

Racter chuckled. "This isn't about our living conditions, Santos, this is about our relationship and your curiosity. You wanted to know, and I gave you my answer."

"Much like before back in Heoi."

Racter let out a grunt as he pulled out his PDA. "This rain isn't going to let up anytime soon..."

"I will go buy an umbrella," she said, "or call a cab. Whatever comes first, I guess."

"Be quick about it, Santos."

Carmen gave Racter her bags, before running into the rain to the nearest shop she could find.

When she came back, she brought an umbrella with her. "Sadly, no cab, but this will do. You can take it for yourself and Koschei, since I am already soaked."

Racter returned the bags, in exchange for the umbrella. As he brought it up over his head, he kept Koschei close, and walked away, leaving Carmen behind.

The feeling of the rain hitting her skin made Carmen giggle. She then burst out in laughter, as she spun on her toes, before running ahead to the apartment.

Racter wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but when he approached the entrance, he could see that Carmen was crying despite her smile.

 

Carmen had set down her items to dry, then took off her clothes to change, despite being in Racter's presence.

She was quite bold to strip her clothing off in front him, but then, he had seen her naked before back in the Dowager Empress.

As soon as she put on a dry set of clothes, she laid back on her bed. It was still quite early to go to sleep, but since she had woke up this morning, all she wanted to do was lay in bed. Before she shut her eyes, she looked outside the window to see the rain was starting to light up. She hope for another rainy day soon, so she could once again dance in the water.

Before he stepped inside the bathroom, Racter noticed that Carmen was snoring already. Despite how vulnerable she is, he still couldn't bring himself to kill her right then and there.

Instead, he decided to push the thought back for the time being.

 

Racter noticed that he had felt a little more at ease after the shower, and a shave. The new set of clothes even made him feel more comfortable, which is a welcoming feeling, as it meant change. No longer was he stuck with the same tattered clothes.

He looked over Carmen as she slept, before rolling up his sleeves, and going back to work. Despite the ear piercing, screeching sound of metal against metal, Carmen did not wake up. If he hadn't made sure she was breathing, he would had thought she was dead.

As the hours flew by, Racter blinked his eyes at the screen before him, before realizing how weary he had become. He didn't like it, but he had to force himself to stop working and rest. Once he powered down the machines, he climbed onto his bed, with Koschei making his way underneath.

He turned to Carmen, as her chest slowly rose and fell, and eyed her cybernetic right arm.

He couldn't help but be curious as to what had happened to her that made her lose that arm. He may had to ask Carmen tomorrow if he remembers.

\---

"Hey, Seattle!" Gobbet called out to Capricious, as she reached out to grab her shoulder with a wide grin. By her side was Isobel, also giving her a smile.

She then turned her head to Gaichu as he silent walked by her side, with his eyes shut, and a peaceful smile.

"Guys..." Capricious spoke up, as she tried to wrap her arms around them. "You... I love you all..."

"We love you too, Capricious," Isobel spoke up, as she held onto Gobbet.

Despite her tears that she couldn't hold back, Capricious smiled.

 

Memories of her time in Heoi started to play out before her eyes, like a trideo, but every now and again, she could hear her friends' voices. Listening to their worries and troubles, then their laughters.

Until memories of her brother Duncan started to emerge. He never was happy about it, never was comfortable with it, but as long as Capricious was by his side, he could deal with it.

Then, she saw Racter stand before her with that familiar smile on his face. A promise for a better future, with her by his side.

She tried to lunge towards him to hug him, only to fall into a void.

 

And woke up with tears in her eyes. Carmen felt her heart race, while her thoughts went wild in her head. Her entire body was covered in sweat, and pumped up with adrenaline, but, there was no reason to this feel this way, she tried to tell herself.

No, she thought. There is a reason.

She is suffering from withdrawal.

With pursed lips, she was about to put on her shoes, until she remembered that Racter was in the same room.

He is asleep, but he is indeed here, sleeping on his bed.

Out of sheer force of will, she slipped off her shoes, dug into her bag, and took out bottles of antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. She ran into the bathroom, breathing heavily, and dropped the bottles into the sink.

Carmen stared at herself in the mirror, glaring into her eyes.

From the back of her mind, she could hear Raymond's voice. "You're stronger and smarter than you think, Carmen. Don't give in."

She forced out a laugh, before she turned the faucet to let the water run on the bottles. She took a sip of the water, and let it sit on her tongue, before she swallowed, and breathed out.

Once she picked up the bottles, she opened them carefully, and plucked out one pill from each, then placed them in her mouth to swallow them. She then closed the bottles, and the faucet.

She made her choice, and now, she has to deal with the consequences.

And, nothing would make her happier, than letting Racter be the one who kills her.

But, he wouldn't, as long as she is begging for it.

Well, until the time is right, she might as well live with it.

Sooner or later, he will kill her, if no one else kills her first.


	3. Professionals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen has been asked to help with checking security at a local bar.

Even though she didn't like the idea of it, Carmen decided to let Racter help her manage her medications for a little while, after her breakdown the other night. As long as she doesn't miss a few days, she will be okay enough to do her job, and other things as well.

Being off the chips is going to be difficult, but she believes she can overcome it with time. She just needs a little bit of help, whether its from Racter, or from others, like Moira.

Well, aside from Racter, there is just Moira.

 

Despite the grating sound of Racter's machinery running, it didn't bother Carmen in the slightest. She had gotten used to it back at the Dowager Empress, and when she was working at the factory. She wasn't sure how to describe it, aside from being nothing more than white noise.

The headphones she tends to wear nowadays also helps.

In the middle of reading the news about what has been going on lately, Carmen noticed a message notification pop up on her screen. It was from a woman named Delilah.

"Hey, Carmen, I'm in need of some help with our security system down at the bar. I promise you free food and some nuyen for your troubles."

"Will get there as soon as possible, Delilah," she replied, then shut down her computer, and noticed Koschei from the corner of her eye. He turned himself around before her, as if showing off his brand new metallic body to her. She giggled, before turning to Racter as he watched Koschei with a smile.

She slipped off her headphones, and got up from the floor. "He looks like a brand new drone, Racter," she said.

Racter chuckled as Koschei returned to him, and ran his hand over his chassis. "Koschei will never be truly 'brand new', Santos; he can only be improved. And, no matter what, there is still room for it."

"But, don't you ever worry that it will be too much?"

Racter looked to Carmen with his impassive eyes and a smile. "I believe that you have grown narrow minded, Santos." With a few clicks on his recently repaired bracer, the machinery around him powered down. He then got up from his chair, while pulling out a cigarette from his breast pocket. "There is no such thing for Koschei, and myself, as well as everything else around me. Take your computer for example: don't you have to apply new boards, wires, and programs, to improve it?"

Carmen glanced at her computer, then back at Racter with a shrug. "I suppose so."

Racter let out a low chuckle as he inhaled the cigarette. "How unlike you..." the smoke rolled out from his mouth as he spoke. "I suppose it's your condition that is holding you back, so I can't hold it against you." He paused as he remembered something. "Speaking of conditions, I assume that you have been checked physically?"

Carmen raised a brow as she tilted her head to one side. "Are you talking about the cancer? Yes, I had been checked, and fortunately, there has been no signs of it coming back. My body is in tip top shape."

"Good to hear." He sucked in another deep breath of smoke. "Very good..."

She chuckled from how he repeated himself - a quirk of his, she remembered. "I got something to do at a bar close by. Want to come with me?"

Racter thought it over in silence, then shrugged. "May as well, since there is still much to see in this city." He then walked over to his closet to pull out a black trench coat, similar to his old one.

Carmen noticed that most of his clothes were black, with some crimson red button up shirts in the mix. "If I may ask, Racter, do you really like the colors black and red?"

Racter blinked as he adjusted the coat on. "I suppose I never really cared about clothing, even before my times as a shadowrunner. Tell me, when you look at me, do you see me as a professional man who carries himself well, or, as someone had once said, 'a creepy Russian guy'?"

Carmen lips thinned as she looked him over. "I see a handsome man who is a professional through and through," she replied. That got a puzzled expression from Racter, which made her realize what she had just said, and laugh bashfully. "I-I mean... I see a..." She then groaned as she stopped herself, and shook her head. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud... I had meant to say that you look as your average, well dressed person. In the end, isn't it the personality that wins people over?"

She paused as she remembered some of their past conversations, and frowned. "But then... I don't have your... 'advantage', so I don't have a place to speak, I think. Besides, I'm not the person you should ask this question anyway, considering our history." Carmen walked over to the door, as she felt her cheeks grow hot.

Racter gave another brief chuckle as he followed her with Koschei right behind him.

\---

The building was filled with all sorts of people, laughing, crying, and singing, with beverages in their hands.

As they made their way to the bar, Carmen knocked her hand on the surface a few times to get the bartender's attention. "Hey, Malachite," she greeted him with a smile. "Came to check on your security, as asked by Delilah."

He gave her a firm nod, before leading her to the door that only allowed staff inside. He stopped Racter, until Carmen told him that he was with her, then moved aside for him and Koschei to enter.

Malachite shut the door behind them to return to his work.

"Could had been a little bit more polite," Racter rebuked.

"Sorry about that," Carmen said.

"What do you have to be sorry for, Santos? It's him that I have a problem with."

Carmen shrugged. "I guess... oh, nevermind." She then rapped her knuckles on a wooden door. "Delilah? It's me, Carmen."

From behind the door was a troll, who had a wide smile on her face. "It's good to see you, Carmen." She then saw Racter. "And who is this?"

"A friend of mine," Carmen replied. "We are in the same line of work, you could say."

"I see, I see." Delilah chuckled as she stepped out of the room. "Well, come, follow me out to the back."

 

As they stood outside, Carmen noticed that one of the cables attached to the security camera in the back has been damaged. Most likely on purpose, which worried her.  "Do you think some people may be planning something, Delilah?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, to steal your money, or anything else of value."

Delilah shrugged.  "I don't know, Carmen, but, we have turrets in place for just in case. Can you stay after hours to make sure it's all working?"

"Sure." Carmen turned to Racter. "Do you mind helping, Racter?"

Racter gave the ladies a firm nod. "For half of the nuyen, Carmen."

Carmen scoffed with a grin. "Of course. I am in it mostly for the food, anyway."

"Good," Delilah spoke up. "I will fix you both up something to eat, first, while you two relax in my office. It won't be long."

 

The taste of soy is arguably better than Gobbet's cooking, but neither Carmen nor Racter complained about it. As they sat on a couch, Carmen decided to kill some time by watching the news.

Living in a world where there are professional killers, kidnappers, and the likes, it was quite a different point of view to see reports of them on the trideo. She could take a guess at who did what, and what had happened during that time, but the thing is, they never cover the entire story. They only just say what the people want to hear, to keep them ignorant about the ugliness of the world.

At least, that is what she believes, as she change the channel to a television show.

She heard Racter grunt in disgust by the sight of it. "Such a waste of time..." he grumbled.

Carmen chuckled. "That's sort of the point," she replied, then changed the channel again.

"Do you enjoy watching these things? They don't serve any purpose, except to dull your mind."

Carmen turned to Racter as she let the trideo play a drama behind them. "No, but, sometimes I do need a break, and enjoy myself in whatever way I can..." She paused and turned back to the trideo. "But, it's becoming harder for me to really enjoy anything these days." She shut off the trideo, and leaned back against the couch.

"A symptom of depression... do you need your medication?"

Carmen looked at her PDA to check the time, then nodded. "I think it's about time," she replied, then extended her hand to get the bottle from Racter. Once she swallowed a pill, she returned the bottle, with a growl from the bitter taste. "I hate it... I feel like there is no real point to anything, except for nuyen and the thrills. Everything else is... nothing."

"Is that why you relied on the chips instead?"

Carmen shrugged. "I guess... it was a fix I needed, until it wears off, and I found myself crying in my bed. Day after day, it just gets worse... It's why I tried so hard to end my life, but, every time I do, something stops me... and most of the time, I could hear Raymond scolding me for trying to do it." She forced out a laugh. "I think I am suffering from other mental illnesses, aside from depression and anxiety."

Racter ran his hand over Koschei as he listened. "That could be possible. Have you sought therapy for this?"

"It's how I got diagnosed with depression, Racter. I went to several doctors, before I burned my SIN. Now, I rely on Moira for the medications."

"I see... if I may ask, who supplied you the mood chips?"

"A man with the alias Dream Giver, that sells all sorts of BTL chips."

"Do you know where he is?"

Carmen sat up and stared at Racter with a raised brow. "Why do you want to know?"

"I was just curious, Santos." He grinned, then looked down at her cybernetic arm. "Which reminds me, what happened to your arm? And may I take a look at it?"

Carmen pursed her lips as she extended the cybernetic out for him to grab. His warmth reminded her of the time he made a new hand for her. She wondered if he was willing to build something better for her this time, but then shook the thought away as she answered him. "Moira and Fiona were threatened by gangs, until I decided to help them, despite Duncan's protest. He knew Moira was a back alley cyber doc, which would had brought him trouble, but I did not care. I had to do what I believed was right... and I do not regret it."

She took in a deep breath, before she continued. "I was outnumbered, but I wasn't scared. I took out at least two people, before one sliced my arm off. At that point, Duncan had to help. He took down the rest, while I was being taken care of by Moira. I should had died from shock, but, I grit my teeth, and fought to stay alive, just to make sure they were okay. Shortly afterward, Moira gave me this arm."

Racter ran his hand over her arm, making her shudder. He grinned, before he released her. "An impressive feat, Santos." He then locked eyes with her, freezing her in place, as he drew closer. "I see that there are some things that haven't changed..."

Carmen bit her lip as she forced herself to look away. "Damn it, Racter. Don't play with my head."

His grin grew wider, before he quickly backed away from the sound of the door opening.

Before she said anything, Delilah noticed there was this tension in the air. She eyed the two for a moment, noticing how comfortable Racter seemed, while Carmen's face was as red as a tomato. As curious as she was, she felt it was best that she didn't ask. "Okay, you two, time to do your jobs," she said.

Carmen nodded her head as she got up first, and hurried out the room while holding onto her cybernetic arm.

 

It was difficult for her to keep her focus, but she forced herself to triple check the security system to make sure it was all in place, and repaired with thicker cables, with Racter's help. Once they made sure the turrets were in working condition, Delilah gave them nuyen for their help, then saw them out.

On their way to the apartment, Carmen stopped Racter. "You know, I don't mind that you want to kill me, but I hate that you made me vulnerable, before helping Delilah. I had a hard time doing my job."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprise that you still held feelings for me, Santos," he replied as he clasped his hands together, and smiled at her in amusement.

"Yes, feelings that you can't return, you jackass!"

Racter eyes widen as he never recalled her cursing him out before.

Koschei's engine whirred as he stepped towards Carmen.

She eyed the drone, then glared at Racter. "I don't want to hate you, Racter, but I guess since things are different now, it just doesn't matter, does it?" She shook her head as she pushed herself past him. "Just... don't play with my head anymore."

"I can't promise you that, Santos," he replied as he followed her. "It's amusing to see your reactions."

Carmen growled in response.


	4. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is always tired.

Once Carmen entered the apartment, she noticed that there was a king size bed in Racter's side of the room, and that the twin sized one she gave him, was back on her side. He must had felt uncomfortable with the twin sized, which she couldn't argue against. It's just not as comfortable as the one he has now.

"Welcome back, Santos," Racter spoke up, bringing her attention down to him, as he worked on the machinery.

"Thanks, Racter," she replied. "I see you got a new bed."

"Ah, yes." He chuckled as he slipped his gloved hands out from the machine, to pick up another tool from the box that sat next to him. "I didn't like the one you gave me, so I had to replace it."

"Fair enough..." Carmen approached the bed, while his focus was on something else. "Do you mind... if I... lie down on it?"

Racter turned to her with a raised brow, but before he could say anything, Carmen already plopped down onto the mattress. She was out cold from the moment she laid her head on the pillow.

Racter huffed out a sigh of disbelief, before he continued to work on the gears, until he finished thirty minutes later. After a shower to wash away the oil, and slipping on some clothes, he stared down at Carmen. Despite only doing some light work, she almost always goes straight to sleep once she comes back.

It didn't bother Racter, since she hardly ever interrupts him whenever he was in the middle of something, but he is starting to become bored, in a way.

By day, she wakes up, prepares herself, then works, and comes back during the afternoon and sleeps. Once she wakes up again later in the day, she jacks in the Matrix, or spends her time reading something while listening to music, until she sleeps again late a night.

It was becoming monotonous, he thought, as he laid down next to her, since it was his bed after all.

He stared at the cracked ceiling, while she snored quietly right beside him.

To his surprise, Carmen started to shuffle around the bed. She moved towards him, then wrapped her arms around his waist, as she laid her head against his chest.

Racter tried to push her off, but she still clung onto him, even when tears started to run down her eyes. He frowned at the sight, but gave in, to let her sleep. While she still held onto him, he reached out for the ashtray on the edge of the table next to his bed, to place it down next to him. He then pulled out a cigarette stick from his pocket to light it up with a lighter.

He saw Carmen frown from the moment she inhaled the smoke, and buried her face into his chest, mumbling something that he couldn't hear.

Racter chuckle, before turning back to the cracked ceiling above them.

He wondered how he should repair it, since it looks as if it was about to collapse anytime. He could hire a repairman, but he didn't want anyone messing with his machinery. He could do it himself, but something tells him that he wouldn't be able to do it, without tearing the entire building apart.

Racter sighed, breathing out a plume of smoke.

He then looked down at Carmen as she moved away from him. He smiled at the fact he was finally free from her.

Then frowned when he remembered that she had cursed him out.

Koschei whirred as he rested beneath Racter's desk.

As she laid asleep next to him, Racter began to think of so many ways he could end her life. He tapped the cigarette to let ash fall onto the tray, then brought his hand to her neck. He could strangle her, like he tried to before, but, how would she react?

Would her eyes open, and stare at him in shock, then give him that ironic smile, like before?

Or would she fight back?

Racter was about to see what would happen, until Carmen opened her eyes. They both stared each other in silence, before she yelped and rolled off the bed with reddened cheeks. "Sorry! Sorry!" she cried out, as she crawled onto her bed, and hid under the thick blankets.

Did she not realize what he was about to do her, he wondered as he retreated his hand.

When she finally calmed down, Carmen touched her own neck, feeling Racter's abnormal warmth on her skin. She could had just let him take her life then and there, but when she realized that she was not only sleeping on his bed, but next to Racter himself, she felt so ashamed.

She then moved her hand down to her abdomen, as she felt a tingling sensation within.

She started to curse at herself, before she shut her eyes once again.


	5. Matryoshka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if it is a milk run, things just tend to happen as they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Suggestive themes
> 
> I'm not content with chapter, but, I am planning to dig a bit deeper into emotional subjects with some things set here.

Carmen and Racter took a job to steal an ancient artifact, after a call from Midas. There was just something about ancient artifacts that interested people, which Carmen could never understand. Was it just obsession, or do they believe these things actually hold any hint of powerful magic? Either way, she did not care, as long as she would be paid for it.

Even if it does cause the end of the world.

They could hire two other people, but Racter thought it wouldn't be entirely worth their nuyen, to do a job that they could do by themselves. While Carmen didn't disagree with the thought, she just felt it was better to have a four man team, as always.

After a bit of debating, the two decided to just save the nuyen, and not hire anyone.

The break in went smoothly, with the cameras hacked, and the guards distracted by some sort of sports game, playing on the trideo that Carmen decided to put on for them.

The artifact was protected by a glass case, and security system that was just asking to be hacked. When she told Racter to watch her back while she is busy, Racter replied with a nod, then stood off to the corner, with his eyes on the door, and Koschei on stand by.

It didn't take her long to take out the system, but, somehow, the alarm still went off once she lifted the case.

As confused as she was, there was no time for questions, so Carmen grabbed the artifact, stashed it into her bag, then grabbed Racter by the arm to find a way out of the museum.

 

The two came to a stop, when they encountered an old friend.

"Duncan," Carmen spoke up with a smile.

The ork let out a huff as he pulled out his handgun, and aimed it at his foster sister.

She let out a soft sigh, before she pushed Racter out of harm's way when Duncan shot her. Carmen swung her cybernetic arm, unleashing a laser whip from her wrist, to snap at Duncan's feet, followed by Koschei jumping towards the ork to pin him on the ground.

"Don't hurt Duncan, Racter!" Carmen snapped, as she took him by the arm. "Let's go!"

Racter smiled as he followed Carmen. Koschei climbed off of Duncan quickly, giving him the chance to breathe, while the trio ran into a fire escape, and exited the building in haste. No doubt, Lone Star will be here, which meant they had no time to waste and leave the site.

 

Duncan growled as he got back on his feet. He did not expect Racter to be with Carmen, and he didn't expect Koschei to take him down so fast. It certainly knocked the wind out of him, he thought, as he took in a deep breath, and touched his ribs.

Fortunately, there was no injury.

With gritted teeth, he began to curse at Carmen in his head, before he left the building.

He didn't want to deal with Lone Star or anyone else for the time being.

 

The two didn't stop running, until they arrived at Midas' casino.

After going through the same routine as before to meet with the man, Midas took the item to give it to one of his guards, then gave Carmen nuyen in exchange, which she split with Racter, even though he had more than enough, with all that she had given him before.

"You two did well," Midas spoke up, "but, it was brave move to do a mission by yourselves. Why?"

The two exchanged looks. Racter seemed quite proud of himself, while Carmen was anything but that. "We just thought it would be better for us to save the nuyen," Carmen replied honestly.

"Sure, until Lone Star came on sight." Midas shook his head as he paced around the room. "What a 'happy accident', eh?"

Carmen shook her head with a frown. "It wasn't an accident, Midas, someone pulled the alarm on purpose. I made sure that the security system around the object was down, but it seemed someone else caught wind of the run."

"Someone else?" Midas repeated as he tapped his hand on his chin. He then gave Carmen a smile. "Could it be... your 'brother'?"

Carmen pursed her lips as her eyes narrowed, and nodded her head.

"Are you familiar with this man, Midas?" Racter asked.

Midas chuckled deeply as he turned to him. "I know enough to believe that he is a threat to us, but Carmen doesn't have the heart to take out her 'brother', even by proxy."

"I see." Racter eyed her from the corner of his eye, with a wry smile on his lips.

"Well, I still care about him, okay?" Carmen spoke up. "I just... let's just-" She was stopped mid sentence when Racter wrapped his arm around her neck.

"Such an unfortunate fate, for a brother and sister, bonded not by blood, but by their trust, to be torn apart, after all they had done." Racter chuckled deeply. "And to think you two were a force to be reckoned with back at Hong Kong."

Carmen groaned in frustration as she pushed Racter away from her. With her mood swinging like a pendulum, since it was that time of the month, it was hard to feel anything but irritated. With clenched teeth, she kept herself together instead of lashing out. "Are we done here?" Carmen asked.

Midas nodded his head, and waved the two away. Once they left the casino, Racter felt the cold touch of the wind against his face. He looked up at the sky to see it was going to rain once again. "It's getting close to autumn," he said, as he pulled out a cigarette to smoke.

Carmen took a moment to let the cold air touch and tickle her skin. "We should prepare for it." She then turned to Racter with a small smile. "Do you think your machines would provide enough warmth for us, or do you think we should buy a heater?"

Racter paused to take in a breath of smoke, that came pouring out once he replied. "That building is a fire hazard, Santos. Why not find a better place than that, anyway? Our room is in such poor condition, I'm afraid it will collapse on us in our sleep one day."

Carmen gave a brief laugh at that thought, before she pressed her fingers together. "That apartment was only meant for me, Racter... so I guess, we should find a better place to live that is much more suitable for the both of us."

Racter raised a brow, while Koschei tilted his body to the side, as they both stared at her in silence. "So, you already had another place to live, all this time."

Carmen nodded her head. "Yes... but, I didn't think that things would play out as they did, until now." She took in a deep breath, inhaling some of the smoke, then huffed. "Go to Moira's clinic. She will help us move out of the apartment, into a private place."

"How-" "It was from a favor," Carmen interrupted him with a smile. "It's surprising how generous people are, when you do things." She shrugged. "Anyway, go tell her I had sent you, while I go back to Midas to talk to him about the moving."

As she passed him by, Carmen gave Racter a wink, before going back into the casino.

Racter looked back at the sky, enjoying his cigarette, before heading to the clinic.

 

He arrived to the clinic not long after the rain came pouring down. When Moira welcomed him inside, he noticed the young child, Fiona, staying close to her aunt, while staring at him in a fixed gaze. Was she scared of him, or curious, he couldn't tell.

"Sorry to intrude, Doctor," Racter said, with Koschei close behind. "Ms. Santos told me to come here to ask for your help."

Moira perked a brow as she crossed her arms. "With her cyber again?"

Racter shook his head with an easy smile. "Oh, no, she and I plan to move out of the apartment, into a... 'private place', so she said?"

Moira blinked, then burst out into laughter as she lowered her arms. "That is simple enough. I will get some people as soon as possible. Tell me, are you both running from someone?"

"How do you mean?"

Moira sighed as she began to stroke Fiona's hair. "The only time she ever asks for a 'private place' is when she has to hide from someone."

"Her brother..."

Moira huffed as she started to braid the young girl's snow white hair. "Sometimes, I think she shouldn't be living such a life like this, even though she claims that she feels right at home... but, I don't believe that. She is lonely, and wants company, but the company she wants, is not with us. In fact, it would be with her old crew..."

Racter scoffed. "She had made her decision back then. Why would she regret it all now?"

Moira frowned, but kept her focus on her niece's hair. "Why haven't you killed her, yet?"

Racter blinked. "I-" "There are no excuses for either of you, but considering all that has been said and done, what will you do now? Take her life once you see her again? Or do you have something else in mind, that doesn't involve killing?" Moira gave him a brazen smile, hinting at something suggestive in her words.

Racter growled while Koschei clawed the ground. "I don't think that would be appropriate," he replied.

Moira chuckled as she let Fiona's hair loose from her hands. "Well, it's none of my business. Anyway, you two should get your things together to move as soon as possible. The warehouse is better than that shoddy apartment."

\---

The warehouse was another drone production factory, owned by Midas. A great place for the two, as now, they had their own rooms. Carmen kept her servers, computer, and monitors in a separate room, while Racter pretty much had the rest of the building to himself.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before, Santos?" he asked her in awe, as they walked around the building.

"I didn't think things would play out this way, so..." She shrugged. "Anyway, have fun! I'm going to do some things in the Matrix."

"As always?" Racter spoke immediately, without thinking, which made her stop in her tracks and turn to him with a raised brow.

"Is something the matter?"

Racter shook his head as he pulled out a cigarette. "Nevermind..."

For a brief moment, Carmen thought Racter sounded mournful and lonely, but she quickly dismissed the thought as that is not like Racter. "Do you... want a chat? Or...?"

Racter huffed out a puff of smoke, then turned to Carmen with a wry smile. "Tell me, Santos, what scares you the most?"

Carmen blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Are you scared of death? Or are you scared of being alone?"

Carmen stared at him in silence as she thought about it. She then looked around in search for a chair. "Well, I think, I'm more scared of being alone, then dying... after all, dying is... just another part of life, isn't it?"

As soon as she picked a chair, Racter wrapped his arms around Carmen's neck, with her back pressed against his body. She looked up at him in surprise, staring into his impassive gaze. He could had strangled her, but instead, he kept her in a lock, as if waiting for her to do something.

Carmen felt her face grow hot, as she rose up her hands up to his arms quickly. "Let go of me, Racter!" she pleaded, as the heat spread through her body.

Racter grinned as he noticed she was begging for him to release her. In response, his grip on her tightened, forcing her to struggle.

"Wait! Please! Stop!"

"Why now, Santos?" he growled into her ear, and in that moment, she let out a soft gasp. A familiar gasp, that she only made during certain moments. Racter blinked as he released her, and watch her collapse onto the ground.

Carmen struggled to not make eye contact, as she slowly got up, feeling heat and sweat run down her body. She took in a deep breath, before she sat down on the seat. "I'm... kind of glad that it's just us..." she said in an almost whisper, as she pressed her thighs together.

Racter took in a deep breath of his cigarette, before letting it all out in one thick cloud. "Tell me, if it wasn't me, would you still had...?" he asked.

"I... can't say," she replied sheepishly as she lowered her head. "My years in prison just... made me like this... and my time as a shadowrunner gave me a similar sense of high... but... nothing else makes me feel this way. I just... like it, I guess." She then wrapped her arms around her abdomen. "Then again, I'm ovulating, so..."

Racter knelt beside her, and reached out to her chin, so he could see her dilated pupils, and reddened cheeks. The way her lips parted, and her body relaxed, made her seem so much more vulnerable than she used to be. A reminder that is she just another metahuman, that so happens to do criminal activities.

Once he lowered his hand down to her shoulder, Racter straightened himself up, and took in another drag of the cigarette. His grip on her tightened. "Are you playing games with me? Doing reverse psychology, to make me not kill you?"

Carmen blinked. Though he spoke calmly, she knew he was seething deep within. "No... why would I...?"

He then grabbed Carmen by the collar of her shirt, to yank her close to his face, making her yelp. Racter glared into her eyes, and brought both of his hands up to her cheeks.

Carmen tried to take in deep breaths, until she heard Koschei whir as he slowly made his way towards them.

"Are you finally going to take my life?" she asked, with a crooked grin.

He didn't reply as he fixed his icy glare into her brown eyes.

Once Koschei was close enough, he kept Carmen in place by placing his sharpened limbs next to her legs. Pinned between a drone and a psychopath, Carmen struggled to keep her eyes on Racter, waiting for him to do something.

"Santos," he finally spoke up, "I loathe you, for breaking your word that you would be by my side, when I succeeded my goals." He lowered his hands down to her neck. "I want to make you suffer, for making me lose everything that I had worked so hard to achieve. I want to take you apart, limb by limb, and dissect you..." He then lowered his hand down to her shoulders. "But now... I don't even know what to think of you anymore."

Carmen's brows furrowed. "So, what do you plan to do now, Racter?"

He let the cigarette fall onto the ground, and let Koschei smother it beneath his limbs, while his grip on her arms grew tighter.

"You want to help me, correct?"

Carmen nodded her head in silence.

"Then, let's make a promise. One that will certainly result in your death, if you break it."

"Okay... What sort of promise, Racter?"

Racter gave her a wide wicked smile. "We shall start over, you and I, and rebuilt ourselves, into becoming better people. Not in the posthuman way, that I had planned before - that will come later in time. No, what I want is your word that, no matter what happens, you and I will stay together, until I no longer have need of you, or until one of us dies."

Carmen blinked. "That... almost sounds like a marriage proposal, Racter..."

He parted his lips to reveal his strong white teeth. "An amusing thought, isn't it? But, it would be nothing like a proper marriage. Just a normal proposal between colleagues."

Says the person who wants to kill her, Carmen thought, before she said, "I feel like there is no way I can say 'no' here..."

"Oh, you can decline, Santos. I am not so cruel as to not give you a choice here. If you don't approve, I will just take my leave, and disappear from your life for forever."

"But, if I say yes, you will stay, until you longer need me? I..." Carmen paused as she frowned, then shook her head. "You know what, fine, that's fair. I get it."

"You-" "I want you to stay, Racter," she said immediately. "I do want us to start over, but, that's impossible. Instead, let's try to repair this relationship between us, as you do for Koschei. We can improve ourselves, as you said, and hopefully... things will be better between us. I couldn't ask for anything more, except... that... you will stay with me for as long as possible, even after you no longer need me... but..." She came to a stop then shrugged. "I guess it's better to just have a friend like you, Racter."

"Is it because I'm your only friend, Santos?" He chuckled.

She let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, no, I trust Moira, too, but she doesn't do runs like us. Anyway, you got my word, and so, you got my life. With that said, can I sleep in your bed?"

"No."

Carmen sputtered out a brief laugh, then watched Koschei walk around her. "That's too bad... I guess, I will just have to buy my own king size mattress, then."

"I suppose you do... now then," he patted his hands against her arms as he released her, "I think it's about time I should get back to work. I am looking forward to our future together, my friend."

"Sure, Rac-" Carmen stopped as she stared at him in disbelief. "Wait, what? Did you just call me, 'my friend'?"

Racter chuckled. "Does it bother you? Should I return to calling you Santos, instead?"

She shook her head. "Not at all, but... well, I guess it makes me happy to hear you call me your friend... even... if I really am not. It's also... pretty weird to hear you say it in English."

"Well, we are only just rebuilding this bond between us, my friend, unless something happens." He shrugs. "But, I've think we've spent enough time talking. For now, I think it's better for you to rest, and think about what we had discussed, even though I've already got your answer."

Carmen wanted to say something, but knowing him, it's better to leave things as they are now, and come back to it another time. With a smile, she left him to his work, to retreat into her room.

Racter felt some sort of relief after having a conversation with her. He couldn't deny that he was growing frustrated before, but now that he had settled matters between them, he believed that things will be better from now on, with their much more stable relationship.

He also couldn't deny that, some part of him did miss their conversations, which is why he felt unhappy with how monotonous things were.

Perhaps, he just missed having her around to bounce ideas off from.

A sound board.

Racter let out a snort as he brought the machines to life.

No, Carmen is more than that to him. She is at least a helpful ally to have around.

\---

Duncan somehow knew that Carmen would be in that museum. It was something of a gut instinct, he thought, as he looked over the files of the artifact she had stolen.

What he didn't expect, however, was Racter. From the moment they had met, Racter had claimed he was going to hunt her down, but while he had obviously found her, he did not kill her.

Duncan scowled at the thought they are actually working together again instead. That was what she always wanted anyway, instead of her SIN. To stay with her crew; her friends, back in Hong Kong.

He began to curse out loud as he tossed the files in the air, and bashed his fists into his desk.

Carmen was so frustrating to deal with, and he was more than happy to forget about her once she burned her SIN, but apparently, he can't let go of his "sister" entirely.

Even though he did try to kill her.


	6. Rules, Deals, Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After making a deal with Racter, Carmen realizes something, and wants to speak to him about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think of this chapter as Ch. 5.5.

"You know, Racter," Carmen spoke up, grabbing his attention away from his work, "I've just sort of realized you are a hypocrite!" She then laughed as she walked up to him. "Why scold me for messing with you, if you were messing with me?"

Racter shifted the cigarette in his lips from one side to the other, as he saved the blueprints, and turned to her with a smile. "Are you planning to break the promise we had made?"

Carmen shook her head with thinned lips, and heard Koschei whir as he crawled out from the small space beneath a table. "I am woman of my word, Racter, but, I am just wondering, that's all."

Racter huffed out a puff of smoke as he watched Koschei approach him. The drone stretched himself out to let Racter run his hand over his chassis, while glaring at Carmen. "I was about to tell you to think it over the other day, until you told me that you wanted me to stay." He shrugged. "Anyway, it doesn't really matter anymore, unless, there is something you want to say to me."

Carmen took in a deep breath as she took a random chair to sit down before Racter. "You're right; it should not matter anymore. But, let's say, for the sake of of my mental health, I want to talk it over with you. I am a desperate woman, seeking for company, and you're the closest one I got. A woman with a mental illness, friends with a psychopathic man."

Racter lifted his hand up from Koschei as he leaned against a desk. As usual, he wears an easy smile, but there was no hint of emotion behind his icy gaze. With the cigarette in hand, he stares at Carmen as she sat before him, trying her best to not fidget in her chair. "Okay," Racter gave her a firm nod, "let's pretend that we didn't make that deal. Considering your illness and my advantage, do you have a problem with me by your side?"

Carmen shook her head. "Only when you teased me back at Delilah's bar. I don't like being teased on a job."

"Right. And I have a problem with..." Racter waved his hand over Carmen's direction, "your entire... self, as it is. Your illness holds you back, but, it can't be helped. However, I am helping you manage it, with these pills prescribed to you, for as long as you are helping me. My desire to kill you has been smothered to a considerable degree, but, you haven't put it out entirely. You want to die, but killing you won't bring me that satisfaction." He shrugged. "Now, with all this said, you truly aren't bothered with me around, are you?"

Carmen once again shook her head, this time with a smile. "I like having you around, Racter. I just feel that, since I've become so depressed, and so desperate for company, I just took that promise without covering our bases. I'm still okay with the idea of you taking my life, but, I'm worried that... I will... do something."

Racter tilted his head to one side with a raised brow, which Koschei mimicked. "What do you mean, Santos?"

Carmen crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back into the chair. She tried to keep her eyes on Racter, but she felt embarrassed as she repeated herself. "As I said, I'm a desperate woman, seeking for company."

Racter blinked, then let out a snort. "I see, I see."

"It's... foolish, but, I... oh, forget it. It's just plain stupid, but as you know, with our history, and my mood swings, and illness, I'm just afraid of losing control of myself. Before you came along, I've been more or less all right, despite my mental illness."

"Except, you relied on those mood chips," Racter pointed out.

Carmen groaned as she ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah, yeah, I did. But, I swear to you, I'm off those now, for those pills... it's just, I relied on it not because it made me 'happy', but because it destroyed me everytime I used it..." She took in another deep breath, then exhaled slowly to ease her beating heart, filled with shame and anxiety. "It's... all so stupid, thinking back on it now."

Racter breathed out smoke, and took out his box of cigarettes. "Here, try one, Santos."

She stared at the box for a moment, then waved her hand to dismiss it. "No, thanks."

Racter chuckled as he pocketed the box, and took out the bottle of antidepressants. "Well, at least you're not destroying yourself anymore. That's a good thing, I would think."

"I suppose," she replied as she extended out her hand to take it. "Anyway, with all that said, and all the withdrawals I've been going through, I'm surprised you haven't run off yourself."

Racter took in one last breath of the cigarette, before crushing the now small stick against the table. "I won't lie - I have thought about it from time to time. You're not the same woman as before... but... you also haven't changed much. You still regard me as your friend, to the point that you aren't even scared of me. I can't understand why - even though you had left us all behind." He stepped closer to Carmen while pulling out a chair himself. He then sat down across from her to keep their eyes on the same level. "You should had already been dead."

"I should had," she said with a wry smile. "But, I am not, yet."

"Obviously. So then," he leaned back into the chair, with his hands folded over his crossed legs, "there is a reason to this conversation, no? What is it that you want, Santos?"

Carmen pursed her lips as she thought it over. "I want to make sure, that things will be all right between us, even if I act irritable or... well... you know. What about you?"

Koschei made his way to Racter's side, and with their eyes fixed on her, he continued. "With all that you have given me, despite how much I wanted to kill you, I believe it's better to take this advantage, and rebuild Koschei and I, for as long as we work with you. Hence, the promise."

"Yes... the promise... but, isn't there anything else you want, or need?"

Racter adjusted himself in his seat as he thought it over. "There isn't much, I think. Maybe, with time, we will see. I don't even know if this would be temporary, or permanent." He shrugged.

"I think that may be why you don't know, Racter. We can't see the future..." Carmen paused, then gave Racter a wide smile. "But, you know, I think it will be fun." Carmen opened the bottle, to swallow a pill, then gave it back to Racter for him to hold onto. "Exciting, even. Aren't you as well?"

Racter smiled as he tucked the bottle back into his pocket. "I suppose there is some excitement to this, yes... So, are you satisfied?"

"Not yet. I want to make sure we are clear on a few things, and if you have anything you want to say, feel free to tell me. First, don't play with my head, unless, you want me to play with yours. Second, I apologize in advance if I act strange - it's hard to control my emotions. Third, I hope that one day, you will end my life. Fourth, I still have feelings for you, but I know you can't return them. Fifth, I trust you to watch my back during missions, but if we meet with Duncan again, I have your word that you won't kill him. You can hurt him, if he hurts us, but, don't kill him."

Racter chuckled as he listened, then nodded his head. "Very well, my turn then. First of all, I will be glad to help you in anyway I can, as long as you don't betray my trust, again. Second, I will do whatever I wish, without you berating me for it, as I don't like to be restrained. Third, I will try my best to not kill Duncan, but, I can't really promise that. And fourth, we are going to buy proper groceries, instead of those disgusting quick dinner food you tend to buy, and I will be one who cooks, as I don't trust you to do that without giving me food poisoning."

Carmen blinked. "Wait, you can cook?"

He sighed. "Yes, Santos, I can. Now then, do we have a deal?"

Carmen paused to give it some thought, then nodded. "I can work with that, knowing you. I mean, sure, I'm not happy about the whole Duncan thing, but, I know I can't restrain you. Besides, why would I want to do that, when it's so much more fun to see you have fun, in your own little macabre way?" She extended her hand out to him. "So, deal."

Racter chuckled as he took her hand to give her a firm shake. "Deal. Now, that we have covered as much as we could, let's go out and do some shopping."

"Wait, what? Now, Racter?"

"Yes, now, my friend." He got up from the chair, and went to pick up his coat. "I don't want to have another of your frozen dinners today."

Carmen burst out into laughter as she went to get some clothes to wear for the cold. "Wait, I got to change first!"

"Fine, take your time." Racter looked down at Koschei with a small smile. "How long do you think we will keep up with that deal, my little companion? Because, I don't think it will be for long, myself."

 


	7. Changes, Limits, and Development

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Racter improved Carmen's cyber once again, she had to improve his in exchange.

Carmen stared at Koschei in silence, while Racter was busy. She stretched out her right cybernetic arm to the drone, barely touching it's metallic chassis, waiting to see if he would react. Once she pressed down her index finger, the drone whirred as he retreated back from her, with his saws splayed out, getting a brief chuckle out of Carmen.

She tried to get closer to the drone, until Racter placed a hand on her shoulder, and wag a finger at her with a scowl. He then rolled her chair to face his screen, and bring her attention to the various designs he had come up with. They were not just for his feet, but for her arm as well.

Monstrous, frightening, and yet, so very beautiful designs of what could be her arm. Like before in Hong Kong, Racter had not failed to impress her. Once she picked her choice of arm, he lead her out of her chair, to a medical bed given to them by Moira, which Racter had asked for, in exchange for some nuyen.

"When I'm done, and you've recovered, you will have to do the same for me, my friend."

Carmen perked a brow. "I am not good with this sort of thing, like you are, Racter. I would prefer if Moira does it, instead of me."

He chuckled as he pulled out long tube, with a mask. At the end of it is a canister, filled with anesthesia. "Ah, but, with my guidance, you can do it, my friend." He chuckled as he gently brushed back her dark hair with a smile. "Don't think less of yourself - think of the possibilities."

Carmen sighed as she got up from her chair, to lay on a nearby table. "You say that, Racter, but you are far more experienced in this, than I am."

"Well, we will discuss it once you've woken up, and coherent. Now then, let's count down from one hundred."

Carmen scoffed as this reminded her of her time in prison, during one of her major surgeries. All strapped up, and ready for the procedure to begin.

She inhaled the gas into her nose, making her fall into a deep sleep in a manner of seconds.

\---

The heavy feeling of grogginess on her body and mind was all too familiar.

But before she felt any hint of anxiety, Racter's presence made it a little easier on her, once she saw him sit next to her bed, with a book on his lap, and a cigarette between his fingers. "You have certainly quite a selection of books... Journey to the West, No Longer Human, and even Crime and Punishment." Racter chuckled as he shut the thick book closed. "Most, if not all them, classics."

"Well, you know me, Racter," Carmen said as she slowly sat up. "I just need to learn a little bit of everything, from all sorts of culture... but, some of them are hard to swallow. Take that book, Crime and Punishment, for example. I can't speak Russian, so, I screw myself over many times while reading the names."

"I should teach you then, my friend. Since you can speak three languages, why not try learning more?"

Carmen lowered her head into her shoulders in shame as she answered. "I tried to study Russian, Racter, but you would be ashamed of me."

He laughed as he placed the book down at her side. "Have you tried any other language?"

Carmen paused as she tried to remember. "Arabic, Japanese, French..." She then waved her hand in the air to dismiss it. "I tried them, but it's easy to forget when you don't speak it on a regular basis."

"But, you can speak Spanish fluently."

"Yes, through music, mostly because of my heritage." She picked up the book with her right hand, just now noticing her new cyberarm. In awe, she eyed the arm carefully, while running her left hand over the chrome. Just like her old hand, it was clawed, but, this time it's permanently like that. She didn't mind it, since she loved it. "Well done, Racter," she said.

Racter gave her a wide smile, then inhaled in smoke, before letting it all out into the air. He extended his hand out to her, so he could take her arm and look it over. "It just speaks for itself, doesn't it? I'm proud of what I've done, and I've also improved you, my friend, once again."

Carmen chuckled as she felt like nothing had changed between them at all. "Thanks..." she said, struggling to hold back her tears. "I... am really grateful." She raised up her left hand to wipe away her tears. "I'm also... very sorry, Racter."

Racter sighed as he cupped her cybernetic hand between his own. "I would forgive you but-" "You can't... and honestly, I preferred it if you didn't." Carmen sighed as she lowered her hands to look into Racter's eyes. "But, for the time being, let's forget it, and move on."

Racter gave her a firm nod as he released her. "Yes, that is the plan. Now then, when you feel better, let me know, so we can proceed with the other procedure."

"Your enhancements?"

"Yes." His eyes gleamed at the thought of it. "My enhancements... and, I will help you. You shouldn't sell yourself so short, since I know you are capable of taking care of the human body, just like a professional."

Carmen rolled her eyes. "If I mess up, don't punish me for it."

Racter paused as a wicked thought popped up into his head, and a devilish grin played on his lips. "I already had thought up a few, my friend."

Carmen blinked, before she realized what she had just done to herself. She then cursed under her breath.

Racter laughed as he got up, and patted her shoulder. "Just rest for now, Santos. You'll need it."

\---

Racter gave her a visor, all set up with visuals of blueprints, and a step by step guide of making cyber. When he stood before her, she could see his vital signs. His heart rate was quite low, but not surprising, while everything else seemed about right.

Carmen gave a low hum as she looked him over. "Do you mind unbuttoning your shirt, Racter? I want to see something."

He chuckled. "Is it genuine curiosity, or do you want something out of this, my friend?"

She gave him a mock laugh, then shook her head with a playful grin. "You would know if I want something, Racter, but, no, I don't. Not this time. I can see your vital signs, and it's all very good and stable, but I've heard that psychopaths are usually very calm during certain situations. However, since you play with those stimulants implanted in your head, I wonder if I would get a reaction from touching you."

"Very well." Racter pulled off his gloves, then unbutton his shirt before Carmen. Aside from some new scars, his body hasn’t changed much. He wasn’t fit, but he wasn’t fat either. Just average.

Carmen placed her left hand against his chest, to see that his pulse was still the same. She then moved her hands up, to wrap it around his throat, but it hasn't changed. The only thing that did was his expression, as he gave her a perked brow.

She then lowered her hand down to his abdomen, where there is that line between flesh and cyber. His heart rate became a bit higher at that point, until she lifted her hand away from his body. She let out a thoughtful grunt as she kept that in mind. "How did that feel, Racter?"

Racter eyed her as he tilted his head to one side. "I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary, if that's what you're asking."

"Didn't seem like it, until I touched your abdomen. There was just a small increase of your heart rate."

He paused, then shrugged. "Well, you’re getting quite close to a specific area, my friend, so it’s only a natural reaction, no?"

"I suppose so." She then nodded her head with a satisfied smile, as she stretched out her arms. Carmen then noticed the canister he had before wasn't anywhere to be seen. "Where is the anesthetics?"

"Oh, we aren't going to use that. Instead, I'm going to be fully awake for this process - since I think it will be much more interesting."

Carmen stared at him with a raised brow. "You just want to see me under pressure, don't you? Criticize me during the process?"

"I think it will be a good lesson for you, my friend." He slipped his shirt off and placed it on a chair, before he sat on the medical bed. "Besides, you have suffered through worse, both physically and mentally, and have survived up to this day. You may count your numbers, and try to bring it down to zero out of your own will, but you are still alive, my friend." He gave her a wink. "For now."

Carmen pursed her lips as she walked over to the metal table, with various tools on display for her to use. Her visor brought up every name of every tool, and what their purpose is. She wonder if she is no more than that herself - a tool for others to rely on, until she is all used up and tossed aside.

As she picked up a screwdriver, she wondered if that is how Racter sees her. No, he certainly does, so why does she question it? In hopes that he sees her as something else? As a woman? Why would he even care?

Actually, why does she care, if all she wants him to do, is kill her?

Racter snapped his fingers to bring her attention to him. "We haven't even started, and you're already trembling."

Carmen took in a deep breath. "I just have some things on my mind."

"Worries?"

"Something like that... Trivial things..." She shrugged as she placed down the screwdriver. "Anyway, are you ready?"

Racter chuckled as he rolled up the leg of his pants, and took off his boots, to reveal his cybernetic limbs.

Carmen looked over his clawed feet, as it didn't seem any different than before, so why does he want to change it?

As he laid back, he pulled out a cigarette from his pocket, and lit it to smoke. "I certainly am, my friend."

She chuckled briefly, before letting the image display before her eyes break down further into specific details. A smile crept on her lips, in spite of herself, and followed the guide of what Racter had set up for her.

 

As time went on, Racter was surprisingly quiet during the process, letting out a few grunts here and there, when Carmen hit something she wasn't supposed to. He didn't scold her, or anything, instead, he was patient, as she did her work.

With the last screw in place, Carmen pressed her cybernetic finger against his toe carefully to bend it, then let it go.

Racter looked down as he stretched out each gripping toe, then relaxed them. With Carmen's help, he slowly got back on his feet, and walked around briefly, until he was satisfied. He then gave Carmen a wide smile, while patting her shoulders. "I believe you did a fine job, for your first time," he said.

Carmen huffed out a sigh of relief as she looked down at his legs. She then lifted up the visor from her strained eyes. "I only did what I could, Racter, but I don't think I did well."

"It's just your first try. With time, and practice, I'm sure that you would be capable enough to be a cyber doctor yourself... or when the time comes for us both to usher in the new life form we've both spoke about."

Carmen blinked. "Wait, is that what this is about?"

Racter waved his hand in a so-so manner. "As long as we are working together, why not?"

Carmen paused, before she sputtered into laughter. "You adapt so easily, Racter, while I'm still trying to get used to things between us. It hasn't even been a week since we made that promise."

Racter chuckled as walked over to his chair to grab his shirt. "You're a capable woman, Santos, with so much room for growth and improvement. As long as I'm by your side, I will help you, despite your condition, unless, you break that promise." His lips curled and parted to reveal his strong teeth, as he looked into her eyes, which sent shivers down her spine. "You did say you're a woman of your word, after all."

Carmen slink back as she rose her hands up to her blushing cheeks. "Yes, I did say that." She tried to take a deep breath to ease her beating heart. "But, I just feel like everything is going by so fast."

Racter paused, then nodded his head slowly in acknowledgement. "I suppose it is... I'd thought there will be very little time between us, so I just had to rush things forward... but, in your current state, it's easy for you to be exhausted, and to put such a pressure on you was... well, not a good idea."

Carmen blinked. "Are you saying you feel bad for putting pressure on me?"

Racter shrugged. "You should know I don't feel remorse, my friend."

"That's what I'd thought, but you must at least understand that I have a limit."

"Actually, my friend, I didn't think you had a limit, until recently. You always seemed excited when you do runs. Breaking things and people apart, taking lives for money, and such. The only times when you held yourself back, was when your past caught up to you in Hong Kong, when you were forced to obey Kindly Cheng’s orders."

He then looked her over from head to toe. "But now, you live in regret, and with it, you have developed an illness, that has pushed a limit on you, forcing you to back down, when normally, you wouldn't." He pulled out a bottle of antidepressants from his pocket. "And with your medications, as much as it does help, you, more often than not, spend your time sleeping the day away. As if you wanted nothing more, than an eternal rest."

Carmen paused as she reached out to the bottle. "Well, I can't help it, Racter. It's either this, or the chips."

Racter placed the bottle in her hands. "I'm not against the idea of your medications, my friend. In fact, it's better than wallowing in depression, and mood swings."

Carmen popped off the lid, and noticed there were quite a few pills left inside. "Then, do you have a problem with me sleeping all the time?" she asked, as she took out a pill to swallow.

"I do, but, it can't be helped."

Carmen hummed as she growled in disgust from the flavor, and passed the bottle back to him. "Well, I'm not against the idea of figuring out a way around it, with your help... unless, you're going to be messing with my head, literally speaking."

Racter laughed as he tucked the bottle back into his pocket, and watched her go to the kitchen. "I would only do that with your permission, my friend!"

"Whatever you say, Racter!"


	8. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt is a heavy weight to carry.

Whispers from familiar voices repeated themselves in Carmen's head, as she stood in the center of blazing fire.

 

 _"You had left us, Cap."   _She turned to Isobel behind the flames.

 _"Why did you do that, Seattle?"_ She saw Gobbet with her hands in her pockets on the other side, with both Madness and Folly on her shoulders, glaring at her. 

 _"It's unfortunate, but you had made your choice, Capricious."_  She faced Gaichu as he held the hilt of his blade that was kept in it's sheath.

 

She then brought her teary eyes to the man cloaked in black, with silver hair, and snow white irises, that stood before her, and brought his hands up to her throat.

Carmen struggled to breathe, but didn't want to fight back, since she believed she deserved this.

"I'm sorry..." she tried to say. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

"The only way you can be forgiven, is when you're dead, Santos," Racter said, as he tightened his grip.

Carmen shut her eyes tight. "Then... kill me…!" she croaked.

Racter's lips curled into a small smile, then pulled her close to whisper into her ear. "No... it's not your time, my friend."

Carmen blinked, before the flames engulfed them both.

\---

As soon as she opened her eyes, soaked by her tears, Carmen felt something warm wrapped around her hands. When she turned her head, she saw Racter sitting next to her, with an inscrutable expression, and her hand in his, feeling his warmth that was much more welcoming, than the heat she had felt in her nightmare.


	9. Gunpowder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party, a job, and an argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION - Spoilers from the end game of Shadowrun Hong Kong... even though this story does take place after one of the endings of the bonus campaign.

"May I have my medication, Racter?" Carmen asked him, as they both stood outside Midas' casino.

Racter pulled the bottle out from his pocket, but as he was about to give it to her, he retreated his hand. "Before I give this to you, my friend, I wish to point out that you've been restless lately. Do you believe these antidepressants really help you?"

Carmen raised a brow. "What are you even saying, Racter? These things are important for my health."

Racter stared at her with a vacant expression, before he popped off the top, to place the last pill on the palm of his hand. He then pinched the pill between his fingertips and held it before her. "Are you sure?"

Carmen scowled. "Why do you suddenly have a problem with this? I've thought you were okay with it!"

Racter sighed as he reached out to her hand to give her the pill, then pocketed the empty bottle into his pocket. "Just take it, my friend. It will probably be the best excuse for you to use, to leave this meeting early."

"That's the plan, Racter," she replied as she swallowed it.

 

As they entered the casino, instead of the usual gamblers that come to waste their nuyen away, there are the other sort of gamblers that take up the place.

Shadowrunners.

Carmen stood close to Racter as she eyed the other runners, while they all spoke and laughed with each other.

When she met a pair of bright blue eyes belonging to a dark skinned, blond hair woman, she quickly looked away, while reaching out for Racter's jacket to cling on to. He was quick to notice her anxiety, from her trembling hands, and as an act of kindness, he placed his hand over hers to help her calm down.

Carmen took in a deep breath, then exhaled. "Thank you," she whispered.

He let out a soft grunt in response.

 

"Welcome, my beautiful shadowrunners!" Midas spoke up as he appeared at the top of the stairs. "It's that time again! A celebration to the living, and the hard working!" With a snap of his fingers, people poured from behind him, bring down tables of a large selection of food and drinks.

The only kind that the rich could buy in this Sixth World.

"We all may had lost some good people during runs, but, in their memories, we shall celebrate, as all sorts of people should do!" Midas laughed as he extended his arms out to the runners. "Seize the day, and indulge yourselves! You all deserve it!"

The room rumbled from the loud roar of excitement from the runners, before they indulged themselves with the food and drinks on display.

Racter looked down at Carmen with a perked brow, as she seemed surprisingly reluctant to do the same herself. "Why aren't you eating, my friend?"

"Look at them, Racter," she replied, as she pointed to the runners that are pushing and shoving each other away from the food. "It's one thing to enjoy your food, but to fight over it? That's just not worth it."

Racter chuckled as he saw a couple of short metahumans sneaking around the room, snagging some food themselves, before quickly hiding away in the ruckus. "They are nothing more than just animals." He shrugged. "Still, you should take the chance while you can."

Carmen shook her head as her grip on him grew tighter. "I rather not. Anyway, let's just go meet Midas, to see what he wants from us."

Racter nodded his head, and with Koschei at their side, they forced their way through, to reach the stairs, and enter Midas' office.

At his side was the dark skinned woman.

"Carmen," she greeted her with a half smile.

"Lilith," she replied quietly.

The woman chuckled as she shifted her gaze from her to Racter. She cooed at the sight of him, and approached him with her head held high, and her shoulders broaden. "Hello, handsome. What's your name?"

Racter snickered before he answered. "Racter."

"Pleasure to meet you, Racter." Lilith then lowered her eyes to their hands. "Are you two in a relationship?"

Carmen blinked, then let go of Racter immediately as she shook her head. "N-no, we're just friends. Colleagues!" she cried out.

Racter eyed Carmen from the corner of his eye with a smile, before looking back at Lilith. "With all due respect, you certainly have no business in our lives, Lilith, fellow runner or not." Koschei whirred as he made his way forward, to push the woman back.

With a grin, she pat Koschei, then jumped back when he lashed out at her legs. She laughed from excitement, then eyed Racter with a glint in her eyes.

Midas huffed out a sigh as he grew tired of watching Lilith attempts at flirting. "There is a time and a place for this sort of thing, Lilith. We have business to discuss."

Lilith nodded her head as she stood off to the side. "Go ahead, Midas."

Midas sat down on a velvet chair, and crossed his legs together as he stared at Carmen. "I am going to go straight to the point - your 'brother' is becoming a huge thorn in our side, Carmen. We need him gone, for good!"

Carmen inhaled sharply through her nose, then exhaled slowly from her mouth "So, what's the plan, then?"

"You have to take this run, to lure him out, and let Lilith and her crew kill him."

Carmen chewed on her lip. “I… I-I-I...” she stuttered, trying to say something, instead, she found herself near to the point of hyperventilation and a panic attack. Racter placed a hand on her shoulder to give her a firm squeeze, and calm her down.

“Breathe, my friend,” he whispered to her.

She nodded her head as she took in a deep breath.

Lilith couldn’t help but chuckled at the sight.

"I understand how it feels,” Midas spoke up, “to hurt the ones you love, but, unless they are on our side, we have to cut them from our lives. That is what you have to do when you become a shadowrunner. Leave your past behind, as all you have now, is yourself, and your enemies."

"What a lonely, sad life," Racter spoke up, before Carmen could. "But, an unfortunate truth for some."

Carmen wrapped her arms around herself as she stared down at Koschei, wishing he could maim her here and now. "And if I don't do it... you will just cut me off instead, won't you Midas?"

Midas shrugged. "It's part of the bargain, Carmen."

"And there is nothing I can do about it..."

He slowly nodded his head.

Carmen felt tears well up in her eyes, then shut them close to hold them back.

 

Memories of her time with Duncan flooded through her mind. From their childhood, to when they reunited in Hong Kong, then returned to Seattle. All the struggles they have been through, and the laughs they shared.

Carmen opened up her eyes with a weak smile.

 

"Fine..." she said, getting a look from Racter, while Midas clapped his hands together with a wide grin.

"I will send you the details to your computer. Now then, go enjoy yourself."

Carmen wanted to say something, but held her tongue. She then tapped Racter’s hand to let her go, and turned to leave the room in a hurry.

 

Once the door shut behind her, Racter turned to Midas with a cold look in his eyes.

As Lilith was about to approach him, Koschei stretched out his limbs and roared to make her back off. She only laughed, as she continued to make her way to Racter, to place a hand on his arm. "Handsome, dangerous, and kind! What a lovely combination!"

Racter shoved her off with a look of disgust. "Tell me, Midas, if you cut her off, will you cut me off as well?"

Midas nodded his head without hesitation. "As long as you work together."

Racter scoffed.

Midas chuckled. "Does this displease you, Racter? Why not just leave Carmen, and work with Lilith instead? Unlike Carmen, Lilith is much more qualified and capable, and loves to take on all sorts jobs. She is a woman who loves thrills and risks, and isn’t held back by a mental illness."

"Simply put, I’m a woman of many talents, Racter," Lilith said with a wink.

Racter let out a brief laugh, then faced Lilith with grin. "Tell me, Miss Lilith, have you encountered demons in your runs before?"

She blinked, then laughed. "Demons? Of course! Plenty of times!"

"What about Gods, then?"

Lilith burst out into a fit of laughter. "Are you joking with me?! Even in this Sixth World of ours, it's impossible to fight with a God, much less meet with one!"

"Then you are not as capable as Carmen." Racter pulled out a cigarette to light it up, then gave her a wink.

Lilith blinked, then froze up as she saw the flames dance before his white irises, before it went out. "Wait, how-" "I shall excuse myself, Midas," Racter said as he turned to him, revealing his strong teeth. "It was a pleasure."

"Have a good evening, Dr. Racter."

 

Once she left the casino, Carmen pressed her head against a wall, with her arms wrapped around her waist. A heavy weight of stress push down on her body and mind, making her stomach churn, while saliva took over her mouth.

She jumped in surprise when she felt a hand on her shoulder, but it was only Racter.

The two stared at each other in silence, before Carmen quickly turned away as bile poured out from her mouth. Racter placed his hand on her back, in an attempt to soothe her, until she calmed down.

“Come on, let’s go home, my friend.”

She nodded her head as she followed him.

As they walked, Carmen laid her eyes on his hand, and tried to reach out to take it with her left hand, but hesitated at the last second.

To her surprise, Racter stopped in his tracks to extend his hand out, with a stoic expression. She couldn’t stop trembling as she reached out to his palm, until he wrapped his fingers around her hand. He gave her a firm squeeze, to ease her anxiety, and continued to hold onto her as they walked.

 

After a hot shower and a change of clothes, Carmen stepped out of the bathroom, and noticed Racter pacing around the factory, tapping away at his PDA. “Is something the matter?” she asked.

Racter stopped in his tracks, then turned on his heel to face her with a smile, while tucking his PDA in his pocket. “No, everything is well, my friend,” he answered, through clenched teeth.

Carmen gave him a raised brow and a crooked grin. “Something tells me otherwise… You’re not acting like your usual self, Racter.”

Racter paused, then let out a sigh. “Fine, yes, I have to admit, I am having a very minor, but very annoying, problem. Do you mind if we talk it over some tea?”

“Sure,” she answered with a nod.

 

After boiling some hot water with ginger and lemon mixed together, Racter poured them into two separate mugs, and placed one down before Carmen, before he took his seat beside her. “I don’t know how, but that Lilith woman got a hold of my number.”

Carmen let out a snort. “That’s Lilith for you. When she sees something, or someone, she wants, she becomes persistent, until she gets it, or them, in her hands. But, it doesn’t take her long to get bored and move on to something else that catches her eye.”

“A harlot,” Racter said, before taking a sip of his tea.

Carmen chuckled with a shrug. “Pretty much. How often does she try to call you, or send you texts?”

“It’s not just the calls or texts, my friend… it’s the images as well.”

Carmen blinked, then extended her hand out to him for his PDA. “Let me see those!”

He sighed as he gave her the PDA. Carmen looked through the revealing images of Lilith, each becoming more and more risque. “Wow,” Carmen said in disbelief. “This is just... sad. Sorry, Racter.”

“I’ve been trying to block her number, but she somehow finds a way around it. She is becoming such an annoyance!”

“Don’t you worry, Racter, I will do what I can. She has some good deckers on her side, which is how she can still send you images.” Carmen sighed as she spun the worn out PDA in her hands. “Actually, you may as well replace it. How long did you have this thing for?”

Racter pursed his lips as he tried to remember. “More or less two years…? I am not entirely sure.” He shrugged.

“Okay then. I will borrow this for a time, and return it to you when I’m done, if you don’t mind.”

“Please, Santos, just… I don’t want to deal with this unsolicited mess.”

“All right, Racter, take deep breaths…” She paused as he inhaled deeply. “This is the first time I’ve seen you so agitated.”

“She is driving me insane, my friend, and I can’t deal with people like her. So conceited and shallow.”

“Well, Midas did claim her to be one of his top runners, so that might had got into her head… which isn’t much a surprise, considering that she had took down an entire underground business, with some help of course. I was one of the helps.”

Racter paused. “Is that why you were so anxious around her?”

Carmen took a sip of her tea before she continued. “No, that’s not it, Racter. She sees me as a threat, for having a cop for a ‘brother’. Other than that, I’m nothing to her, except a worm that she loves to torment and abuse. She has tried to kill me once before, but I fought back, because she didn’t deserve to take my life.”

Racter frowned. “Does Midas know?”

“I reported it, along with some witnesses that was there at the time, but he only let her off with a warning.” Carmen swirled the liquid inside the mug slowly with a wry smile. “Again, one of the best runners.”

Racter stared at her in silence as he took another sip. “No wonder why he had thought that I would want to work with her.”

Carmen blinked, then turned to Racter with widen eyes. “Wait, what?” she asked.

He was quick to notice that the color on her face drained, as she started to bite her thumb on her cybernetic hand. Racter lifted his hands from his mug to take hers, and gently pull it out from her mouth to stroke her hand. “You have nothing to fear, my friend, as I believe you’re much more capable than she is.”

“Y-you say that, but-” “No, my friend, stop pitying yourself. It’s becoming a bore.”

Carmen frowned as she took back her hand. “A bore!?”

“Yes, Santos, a bore,” he repeated. “You wallow in guilt and self pity, after everything you had done. And when I thought we were making progress, you’re still stuck in your past, instead of moving forward.” Racter grabbed Carmen by her face to make direct eye contact. “You are capable. You’re stronger than you think! You took on a Yama King, Santos! A God that I had thought was just a fable!”

Carmen growled as she clutch Racter’s shirt. “Well, guess what, Racter?! I lost my father that day!”

Koschei roared loudly as he crawled out from the table, and scurried towards her, with his legs splayed out.

“You may had lost your father, but you have survived! _We_ have survived! Because of you and him!”

“Because of _us_ , Racter! _All_ of us! Gobbet, Isobel, Gaichu, and even Duncan! You all were there, and we all took her down! Without you guys, I wouldn’t had survived until now!”

“But now all you care about is death, Santos! Why do you want to die?! Because you had left us, for this?! A so called ‘better’ life?! Listen to me, Santos, and listen clearly! I came here with a plan to kill you, but that had changed! You and I are alive and standing together, despite everything! If I didn’t care about you, I would had left you long ago, but no, here I am, with a pitiful sight of a human being! A human being that I know that can do better!”

Carmen blinked. “Is that… what you really think?”

“It’s not what I think, but what I believe! You are an important asset, too important for me to lose again!”

Carmen frowned. “An asset? A tool?” She then pushed him away. “That is really all I am...”

Racter was about to speak, but Carmen quickly rose up her hand to his lips.

“Stop, Racter. It doesn’t matter. As you’ve said when we made that deal, we would only work together, until either one of us is dead, or I am no longer of use to you… and I’ll be happy either way, as that is all I am. A tool, to be used and tossed aside.” Carmen felt her eyes water up as her heart ached. “What an idiot I am, to think that I can be anything but that.”

Racter watched her back away from him, downed the rest of the tea he had made for her, then left to go back to her room without another word.

A sigh escaped from him as he leaned back into his chair, while Koschei made his way to his side. He silently drank the tea little by little, until he was finished, then picked up both mugs to place them in the sink. Racter then knelt before Koschei to run his hand over his chassis.

There was nothing more that could be said.


	10. Eruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Facing the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *low groaning noises* I need a beta reader...

Racter knocked on Moira's door, with Carmen's empty bottle of antidepressant in his hand.

When she welcomed him inside, Racter's attention was immediately drawn to Fiona, as she sat on the bed, with her lower cybernetic legs dangling at the edge. She fidgeted on the bed as she looked away, and tried to straighten out her shorts as if to hide them, but of course could not.

"Excuse me, Doctor, but what had happened to her?" Racter asked.

Moira took in a deep breath, then pulled the curtain around Fiona's bed before she answered him. "She had lost her legs in an accident, that killed her parents. I've been her guardian ever since..." She paused, then shook her head. "Anyway, I assume you're here for something?"

Racter stared at the curtain in silence, then slowly nodded his head as he pulled out the empty bottle of antidepressants. "I'm here to refill this for Carmen."

"Very well, but, you will have to come back tomorrow for them," she said. "You can throw that empty bottle away."

Racter hummed as he played with the bottle in his hand. "If I may ask, Doctor... who was Carmen's therapist?"

Moira perked a brow. "First of all, that is doctor-patient confidentiality, and second, why would you want to know?"

Racter took a seat, with Koschei at his side. "Because, it's odd for a shadowrunner to still have access to proper medications, such as antidepressants. Either these are specialized made drugs, or placebos that you are giving to our friend, Dr. Moira."

Moira pursed her lips, as she laid her hands on her waist. "Has she been acting strange lately?"

"She has been plagued by nightmares, and mood swings, yes. The girl can't stop feeling sorry for herself as well."

Moira growled as she began to pace around the room. "Then, it's not working anymore."

"Excuse me?"

Moira dragged her hand over her face with a groan, then looked to Racter with a frown. "You're right; they aren't actual antidepressants, they are sleep medications. Midas actually didn't want her on these in the first place. Instead, he told her to get some mood-chips when she said it wasn't working... It's a much easier and cheaper solution to him."

Racter frowned as he tucked the bottle into his pocket. "So, he doesn't care about her health, and rather see her drive herself mad, instead of getting proper help." He let out a snort. "Carmen and I are already in a snag, so I can only imagine how she would react when she knows of this."

"You two had an argument?"

Racter pursed his lips as he nodded with a shrug.

Moira chuckled, then sighed. "I wonder if she will believe you, then... I hope so at least."

Racter blinked. "Are you asking me to tell her the truth? That these aren't antidepressants?"

"Yes... so that way she'd finally realize this life isn't for her."

Racter paused as he slowly stood up from the chair. "You know that isn't true. It's Midas that doesn't deserve someone like Carmen."

"So, who do you think deserves her, Racter? Because it almost seems like you want her for yourself."

Racter blinked, then shook his head. "I assure you, Dr. Moira, that is not the case here. I only believe that someone who knows her-" He stopped mid sentence as he caught himself, then pursed his lips. "Thank you for your time, Dr. Moira," he instead said, before hurrying out the door.

Moira chuckled as she pulled the curtain back, and sat on a chair before Fiona. As she carefully lifted her metallic limbs, and lowered it, Fiona asked, "Did he say they were fighting?"

"It seems so." Moira huff. "But, you'll understand better when you're older."

"I don't want to grow up..." Fiona murmured. "Being an adult... seems... hard..."

Moira grinned. "It certainly is, Fi."

\---

Once he had arrived to the factory, Racter noticed that his PDA was sitting on a desk, as if waiting for him. It looked almost brand new from the outside, and when he checked through his messages, call list, and files, it was all there, except for Lilith's obscene images.

Impressed and grateful, Racter went to Carmen's room to thank her, but she was sound asleep. Before her bed, was all sorts of tools on the floor, and an empty spot where she must had sat when she was working. There were also chips and wires, and a PDA stripped of its casing.

He stared at the mess, wondering if he should clean it up for her.

Since she did do him a favor, he may as well.

Careful to not wake her up, he swiped up all the tools, and placed them in a small bag nearby.

As he was about to reach for the PDA, he turned to Carmen to see that she had woken up, with her weary eyes fixed on him for moment, before she turned to face the wall. "Thanks," she muttered.

"I should be the one thanking you, my friend," he replied, as he picked up the naked PDA, along with the rest of its pieces, and placed them on a small drawer next to her bed.

She let out a soft grunt as she pulled the sheet over her head. "Yeah, sure, it's the least I could do..."

Racter took in a deep breath, before he leaned to pat her on her arm. "We need to talk about something later, Santos, when you're feeling better."

"About what?"

"Your medications. I had paid a visit to Moira to ask for a refill in your place, and there is something you need to hear."

Carmen blinked, then turned to Racter with a frown. "Is Fiona all right?"

"It's not about the girl - but, she is in good health. No, this is about your medications."

"What about it, Racter?"

Racter looked her over, taking notice of her weary eyes, surrounded by dark rings. "It can wait. You should rest, Santos. You look exhausted."

Carmen huffed as she sat up in her bed, and crossed her legs under her sheet. "Yeah, well, I'm always tired. Can't help it, unless I get my medications, you know?"

Racter opened his mouth to speak, but then quickly shut it. The argument must had taken a lot of energy from her, so of course she would still feel exhausted. As much as he wanted to say what he needed to tell her, he believed it to be better for her to rest, instead of having to face the truth in her current state. "Just, go back to sleep, if you can, my friend. We will talk later."

"If it's important, we should talk about it now, Racter!" she replied, with a crack in her voice. Carmen quickly cleared her throat, then sighed as she laid back down. "You know what, fine. I'm going back to sleep."

Once she pulled the cover back over her head, Racter let out a deep sigh, then left her room.

 

When she had finally woken up, Carmen still didn't feel as well rested as she would had liked.

She just felt a heavy weight, on both her body and mind.

Unfortunately, she didn't have any more medication, so she just had to run on fumes for the time being. Which reminded her that, there was something that Racter wanted to talk her about.

Even though she felt hurt and conflicted after their argument, Carmen still liked Racter. She just wasn't sure how he feels about her. Does he truly respect her, as he says, or are those just honeyed words to get her on his side? Either way, she will still give him as many chances as possible, because despite the circumstances that surround them, she still trusts him.

"Good afternoon, my friend," Racter greeted her with a smile, then beckoned her forward. "I assume you're still feeling unwell."

Carmen slowly nodded her head as she rubbed her eyes with her left hand. "Yeah, but it's okay. We got a job to do, and a life to live." She forced out a chuckle.

"Indeed we do, my friend. Indeed we do..."

Carmen pulled up a chair to take her seat in front of Racter, as he leaned against his desk. "So, you wanted to talk to me about my medications, right?"

Racter pursed his lips as he crossed his arms. "Yes, I do... I don't know if you're willing to believe me, but-" "Why do you think I won't?" Carmen spoke up.

Racter stared at her silently, before he continued. "Okay, I suppose, it's better to get one thing out of the way, Santos. Let's talk about the argument."

Carmen frowned as she lowered her head. After thinking it over, she nodded. "Yeah, okay, sure." She leaned back into the chair to stare into Racter's icy gaze. "From personal experience, I understand that arguments can be very difficult to deal with..." She recalled the moments when Raymond and Duncan had fought, but unlike then, Carmen is a fully grown adult, speaking to someone who isn't such a hard head like either of them. "Where shall we begin, Racter?"

Racter took in a deep breath. "Let's begin with what I've said. Calling you an 'asset'." He noticed a hint of pain in Carmen's eyes for a brief moment. "I should... apologize for saying that, as I promise you, I don't see you as a tool."

Carmen groaned as she shook her head. "That's hard for me to believe, Racter... but... what else am I to you, than something valuable?"

Racter scoffed. "'Something'? I suspect that the thought is more on yourself, Santos, as I certainly didn't call you 'something'."

Carmen blinked. "I... no, wait, no. I know you see me as a thing, not as a person."

"Ah, here we go again," he growled. "No, stop, Santos, and take a step back. Take the thought out of your mind, and listen to me, carefully. We aren't going to repeat the same argument as last time, as I rather move on from this, than to carry this idiocy on my shoulders."

Carmen huffed as she adjusted herself in her seat. "Fine, okay." She took in a deep breath, and closed her eyes. "What do you think of me really, Racter?"

"Someone valuable," he replied immediately. "Talented. Capable. Intelligent." He paused as he ran his hand over his silver hair. "Someone that Midas doesn't deserve."

"Really now?" Carmen let out snort, while still keeping her eyes shut. "Well, forget about Midas, and continue. You're really fueling my ego here, Racter."

He chuckled, and noticed that she wasn't speaking sarcastically. "I am aware of your feelings, but-" "But, it's not possible to return those feelings. Fine, okay... but... if it was possible, could you? Or... would you?"

Racter smiled at her. "I think that, no matter my answer, you won't take it kindly.  Either I will be a liar, or I am speaking the truth, and both would still lead to pain."

Carmen grinned. "I guess that was a trick question."

"Yes... anyway, to say the least, let me tell you this, Santos: I don't believe I could ever find a better partner, than you."

Carmen frowned as she listened to him carefully, but his tone carried no hint of irony, but she also couldn't tell if he was being honest. When she opened her eyes, Carmen jumped in her chair to see Racter so up close to her. How could he get so close without her hearing his footsteps? Was she that focused on his voice?

"Listen to me, Carmen," he continued, as he raised his hand up to her flushed cheeks. "I may not be able to forgive you, but, for the sake of our future, I'm willing to ignore it for the time being. We still have so much to do, and as long as you are by my side, I believe, we both can go further than where we are now, just as I had before back in Hong Kong."

Carmen blinked. She wasn't sure what to say, as moving her mouth could mean a major mistake.

But, she remembered being in a somewhat similar position before, with the way he looked at her.

Waiting for her in anticipation.

And just like before, she took him by his shirt, while she pressed her lips against his.

She could taste tobacco on his lips, which was to be expected, but not entirely unwelcoming.

Once she pulled away, Carmen began to laugh as she buried her head into his shoulder. "I feel like you're playing with me, Racter... but, you know what, I am okay with that."

Racter grinned as he ran his fingers through her dark hair. "I assure you, my friend, I'm not playing with you... But, then, actions speak louder than words, so, given time, you'll see that I am being true."

"Then I promise you that I won't leave you again... That was a stupid mistake..."

"I certainly hope not, Santos." He replied as he slowly backed away from her. "It would mean breaking the deal."

"Which would result in my death." She shrugged with a crooked grin. "That's that, then, I guess."

Racter hummed thoughtfully as he returned to his desk. "Then, let's go back to our earlier subject, my friend." He picked up the empty bottle that had set on his desk, and rolled it around in his hands. "It's about these... 'medications' you've been taking."

"What about them?"

Racter sucked in air through clenched teeth. "They aren't... proper medications."

Carmen blinked, taken aback. "Wait, what?"

"The ones you're taking are sleep medications, given to you under the order by our fixer, Midas."

Carmen's eyes widen. "What?!" she yelled as she jumped out of her chair.

Koschei whirred from under the table, but with a look from Racter, he quieted down.

"How the hell do you know this, Racter?!"

"Moira told me herself."

"Moira?! Really?!"

"Yes, really." He looked over the label, reading the it over for one last time, before passing it off to Carmen. "He never wanted you on antidepressants; he'd rather have you on those moodchips instead... which makes sense, thinking about it. You never liked to rely on drugs before, back in Hong Kong, but that had changed, obviously. You had developed depression, and he couldn't have that. He needed you on something stronger than antidepressants... and besides, in this world that we live in, getting your hands on proper medications is highly unlikely."

Carmen frowned as she caught it, then threw the bottle in a nearby bin. She clenched her teeth, hissing out a harsh sigh, as she shook her head.

Then let out a series of curses under her breath as she began to pace around the factory.

Racter pulled out a cigarette to smoke, and waited for her to eventually calm down.

After a moment of silence, Carmen turned to him with a wry grin. "We have a job to do, no? If I don't do it, I lose everything... and I rather not lose you as well."

"You got my word that I will stand by your side, my friend, as long as you don't betray me of course."

"Of course, of course..." Carmen ran her fingers through her hair, while lost in thought. "Right... but... I see myself betraying someone in the end... and I don't want to put pressure on you, if I make another mistake here, because it could mean we lose everything here." She spread her arms apart to gesture to the factory itself. "And I rather not start over again."

Racter breathed out a thick smoke, with his eyes fixed on Carmen. "What is your plan then, my friend?"

"I don't know exactly what we're going to do... but, we shall see how things play out during the run."


	11. Wildfire

Carmen took in a deep breath, inhaling the chilly air into her lungs, before exhaling out hot air. She walked the streets of the Barrens, noticing that it wasn't quite the same as it was several years ago. It made her feel alienated, but at the same time, nostalgic.

But, the memories of the past is more bitter, than sweet.

Much like the feeling that grew within her, as soon as she made eye contact with Duncan across the street. She gave him a wave, followed by the sound of a gunshot.

A smile crept on Carmen's lips, as she collapsed onto the ground, with her eyes fixed on the night sky above.

Red liquid oozed out of her chest, while her ears were drumming along with the sound of her heart beat.

Then, chaos ensued, as people came running out of hiding, to ambush the ork.

Carmen slowly moved her head, to see Koschei crawling to her, with Racter close behind. With a cigarette between his lips, he knelt down beside her, and placed his hand down her cheek.

Something about watching her bleed out before his eyes amused him, but at the same time, sadden him.

Racter inhaled the cigarette smoke deeply, then flicked it away, so he could pull Carmen back on her feet, and take her away from the chaos.

 

Once she stripped away her blood soaked, bullet proof vest, Carmen gave Racter a wry grin. "Shall we?" she asked, as she slipped on another jacket, over her sweater.

Racter nodded, then followed her out to the alleyways.

Shrouded in the dimly lit, narrow passages, they avoided the other runners, until Carmen's PDA beeped.

"Do you mind?" she asked Racter.

"Go ahead," he replied, as much as he didn't want her to answer.

"So you _are_ alive," Lilith growled. “Too bad."

"Racter would had said the same thing, Lilith," Carmen said, giving him a wink. "Wouldn't you?"

Racter let out a sigh as he waved his hand to dismiss her, making Carmen chuckle.

"Anyway," Carmen continued, "I have to take a guess that, you haven't killed Duncan, yet. You would think you would be two steps ahead of him, when in fact, it's the other way around, since Duncan was formally both a Lone Star officer, and a Shadowrunner. Now then, knowing this, who do you think will get him, Lilith? Me, his 'sister', that knows him since childhood, or you, a runner, that is only been given a job to kill him, with little to no information about him?"

Lilith clicked her tongue in bitter rage. "That doesn't matter, Santos! He will die!"

"That depends... anyway, see you later!" Carmen ended the call with a grin, then tucked her PDA away. She gave Racter a nod, before continuing on.

"Where do you expect to find Duncan, my friend?" Racter asked.

Carmen paused, as there was one place she could only think of. "Home."

 

The old house they lived in was left abandoned, disorganized, and covered in dust, and leaves. Carmen raised up her hand up to Racter, signaling him to stay behind, while she went on inside.

With his pistol in hand, Duncan raised his eyes up to Carmen. His hair was disheveled, along with his clothes, but there were no injuries. At least, none that she could see.

"Home, sweet, home," Carmen said, as she closed the door behind her.

The sound of his pistol clicking was enough to make her stay back. Not that it mattered, since she didn't have any other weapon, aside from her whip that is kept in her cyber.

"Was it your plan?" he asked.

"What, the ambush? No. That was my fixer. The blood bit was mine, for no other reason, than it was a nice touch."

Duncan huffed. "Well, then I know who else to go after, once I'm done with you."

"Yeah, go ahead, Duncan. Midas will be glad to meet you..." Carmen paused while she took out a small device from her bag. "But, it will be better if you send this to Lone Star, so that way you don't have to do it by yourself."

Duncan narrowed his eyes, then caught the device once she tossed it without warning. "Do you think you are getting out of here alive, Carmen? If I don't kill you, your fixer will."

"I am only doing what I can, as I always had, Duncan. I don't know what will happen, but, I think that is what makes it so exciting..."

Duncan stared at her, then let out a snort as he pocketed the device. "Is this where we go our separate ways, then?"

Carmen slowly nodded her head, then stepped away from the door. "Go, Duncan. Leave. You deserve to keep your life, and live it to the very end."

Duncan got up from his chair, and approached the door. Once he placed his hand on the handle, he gave Carmen one last look, before he opened it, and left.

He passed by Racter, completely ignoring his presence, not that either men cared.

Racter simply gave him a salute, as he watched him carry on. He then turned to Carmen as she stepped out of the house. "Do you happen to have a match, or a spare lighter, Racter?" she asked.

He frowned at her. "I only have just the one, my friend. Why?"

Carmen paused, then shook her head. "May I borrow your gun, then?"

Racter chuckled as he pulled it out from his coat. "I don't trust you with a weapon, Santos."

"Says the man who sucks at aiming," Carmen replied as she carefully took it from his hand. She then turned to the house, and pulled the trigger, setting off an explosion.

The two stood before the burning building, watching the thick black smoke rise into the air. Racter took back his pistol from her, while she seemed lost in thought.

Lost in memories of her childhood, that made her heart ache, and her eyes water up. "You still have a chance, Racter," Carmen said, while her voice cracked. It felt as if those words were lodged in her throat, which made it difficult for her to speak. "Kill me..."

Racter let out a deep sigh, as he turned his gun over in his gloved hands. "Come on, my friend. They are going to find us." He then held the gun in his grip, as he took Carmen by the arm. "And you're in no state to fight back."

Carmen blinked away her tears, as she followed Racter, leaving the place she had once considered a home, behind in ashes.

 

There was no where else they could go.

Racter paid a visit to Moira, only for them to be turned away without hesitation, as they are a threat to her and Fiona, with Midas now hunting them.

Going to the the factory was also a risk, knowing that there are runners out there, looking for them.

Eventually, they had to hide in a place filled with people getting high on BTL chips. Not the best place to be, but it will have to do, until they are both ready and able to take on any runner.

"You know, Racter," Carmen said, with her head in her hands, "you could still kill me, and-" "Oh, be quiet, Santos." Racter picked her up from the ground, and cupped her face in his hands. "You and I are going to get out of this, to a better place, outside of this wretched cesspool."

Carmen blinked, then frowned. "To where, Racter? I have no place to be! You-" "Ah," Racter raised up his finger to her lips, and gave her a smile, "you're starting to bore me again, my friend. Now, be quiet, and work with me."

Carmen pursed her lips, then slowly nodded her head. "Fine, fine... but, since we're here, buy me a moodchip, Racter."

Racter chuckled as he released her. "No, my friend. As long as I'm around, I won't allow you to dabble into such things. I need you with a clear head."

She crossed her arms across her chest, and huffed out a heavy sigh. "I think you're quite capable on your own, but okay, Dr. Racter. Do you have a plan?"

"Kill Lilith," was the first answer that came out of his mouth, which was unsurprising to Carmen.

"Okay. What's next?"

He paused, as he seemed at a loss, for once. "Leave the city... or find another fixer. Either way, as long as we're together, I believe we can manage."

Carmen chuckled. "How promising, Doctor. But, very well." She then looked down at herself, stretching, and clenching both of her hands. "Let's... go take down some runners."

\---

Much like beasts freed from their leash, Carmen fought beside Racter and Koschei, taking down as many runners that went after them as possible.

Despite the heavy weight of exhaustion on her body and mind, Carmen didn't hesitate. With every breath she huffed, she took another life. With every heartbeat, she stopped another's. She wasn't held back by anyone, or anything, anymore. Carmen was finally free.

A sight to behold, Racter thought, as he watched her slice off a runner's head clean off from their shoulders, with her clawed cybernetic hand.

"Lilith!" she shouted, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Come on out!"

Before he could say anything, a blast went off between them, forcing them apart from each other. From behind the smoke was Lilith, carrying a grenade launcher in her hands, and a wide grin on her face. "I'm already here, Santos!"

As they tried to pull themselves together from the blast, Carmen realized her cybernetic arm was damaged, and was about to check on Racter, until another blast went off, forcing her back down on the floor.

The burning sensation on her back and legs made it impossible for Carmen to move, without hissing out in pain, but she grit her teeth as she struggled to get back on her feet. She turned to Lilith as she reloaded her weapon.

"Racter!?" she cried out to him.

But there was no response.

Carmen bit her lip as she glared at Lilith.

"What's wrong, Carmen?" she cooed at her. "Are you scared without your friend? Don't worry! Look!" Lilith pointed to her right, where Racter was, as he was held down by a troll. "He is in good hands! And will be in better hands with us, once you're dead!"

Carmen shook her head as she tried to stay on her feet. "Midas is done for, Lilith."

Lilith chuckled as she shook her head. "Oh, he may be done for, but, I am never done... never!" She then shut the grenade launcher, and aimed it at her. "But, you are, Carmen."

Carmen chuckled as she forced herself to dash towards Lilith, despite her injuries, until another grenade shot out towards her.

But, before it made contact, Koschei lunged forward towards Carmen, pushing her out of the way to take the blow instead. Racter growled in pain as he felt it run down his spine, until the troll push his face into the ground.

With clenched teeth, Carmen got back up on her feet, and dash towards Lilith once again, but before she could unleash another grenade, Koschei shot her leg, forcing her down onto the ground, dropping the grenade launcher. Carmen followed up with a kick across her face, knocking her out onto the ground. She then picked up the grenade launcher, and aimed it at the troll. "Let Racter go!"

The troll stared her down, before he released him. "It's not worth the risk," he said, then left without another word.

Carmen quickly ran towards Racter, as he struggled to get back on his feet. Tiny pieces of metal from the blast pierced through his flesh, but there was no sight of any major injury. "Let's go, Racter."

"No, Carmen. Kill her." He pointed at Lilith, as she laid on the floor, out cold.

"Right, best to not leave any loose ends, eh?" Carmen chuckled as she tried to raise up the grenade, but couldn't with just her one arm. Racter huffed as he helped her lift up the barrel, and shot out a grenade, only to miss her completely, as the grenade went flying.

"Wow," Carmen said, as she gave him a smile. "Thank you."

Racter huffed as he shook his head, and instead decided to let Koschei finish the job, until they heard the footsteps of even more runners coming to their direction. He growled as he took Carmen's arm, and pulled her along with him, with Koschei close behind.


	12. Ashes

Hiding out in an apartment building, filled with homeless people, isn't the best place to be, but with Carmen's injuries, and Koschei needing repairs, they couldn't go far. It's a risk, with Midas' people searching for them, however, it seemed that the homeless people don't seem to care for them much, and would be glad to help, in exchange for some nuyen.

It cost them a lot, but it didn't hurt them either. Less than eighty nuyen was left in both of their credsticks combined.

They were also able to get medicinal supplies, and repair kits. While Racter came out of the fight nearly unscathed, Carmen on the other hand suffered a lot, along with Koschei. At least Koschei could repair himself to a certain degree, enough to handle a few more fights.

Carmen let out a hiss through her clenched teeth, while Racter carefully pulled out the shards from her bared back. He eyed the homeless trying to catch a peek at her, but with Koschei on guard behind the broken door, no one dared to even speak to them. He couldn't help but chuckle at them.

"Did something tickle you, Racter?" Carmen asked, before she hissed again.

"I am just amused, my friend. There are always onlookers, but barely anyone who wishes to lend a hand, without wanting something in exchange."

"It's an unfortunate truth, but it's not always the case. Well, at least from a different perspective."

Racter raised a brow as he pulled out another shard. "By 'different perspective', you mean a life as a normal civilian?"

Carmen paused, while rolling her head to one side, to rest it on her crossed arms. "I guess so. When I still had my SIN, and helped out Duncan with his job, I saw people willing to do things, out of the goodness of their own hearts... at first, I couldn't believe it, but, apparently, it's true."

"And yet, here you are now."

Carmen let out a snort. "Indeed... but, I have no regrets."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

From the corner of her eye, Carmen spotted a rat come out from the hole in the wall. For a hard minute, Carmen stared at it, while it stared back at her, before retreating back into the hole. As much as she tried not to, Carmen remembered her time in Heoi as clear as day. If it wasn't for Isobel and Gobbet, she wouldn't still be alive.

"Well..." Carmen's voice cracked, until she cleared it. "I don't have any regrets about betraying Midas..."

Racter let out a soft grunt, as he poured antiseptic on a rag, and planted it on her back, making her shrill in pain. "It's best to let that sit for a while, so don't move."

"Y-yeah, sure..." she whimpers, while giving him a thumbs up.

"Now, for your legs, and arm..."

"Oh no..."

 

Once he was done tending to her injuries, and had fixed her arm, Racter pulled out a cigarette from his pocket, and sat back against the wall. It was surprisingly quiet, which was not unwelcoming, but it put him on edge. The only thing he could hear is the ringing in his ears.

"It's getting colder..." Carmen pointed out, as she hid under his jacket.

Racter eyed the shattered windows, where the cold air drifted through into the room.

 

He remembered the snow. He remembered the pile of rags that were sorry excuses for blankets. He remembered his parents.

Koschei grind his limbs against the floor, while Racter took in a deep breath of cigarette smoke.

The memories disappeared, as he slowly exhaled the thick black cloud.

 

He then felt Carmen's hand against his lower leg. She had crawled to him, despite her injuries, and gave him a smile. "Sorry, Racter. For dragging you into this," she said.

Racter paused as he pulled his jacket over her head. "Rest, Carmen."

"Sure, but, what about you? Will you be alright?"

Racter stared at her, while he sucked on the cigarette. "I believe so."

"Okay... but, do you mind if I... stay close to you? If you're comfortable with it, that is..."

Racter extended his hand out to her, to help her get closer, and rest her head against his lap. Even though his legs weren't made out of flesh, Carmen found them comfortable enough to lay on. It felt so warm, she thought, as her eyes grew heavier.

\---

Carmen woke up with a yawn. She then yelped out in pain once she tried to stretch her legs.

"Good morning, my friend," Racter spoke up, bringing her attention to him, as he laid next to her. "Slept well?"

Carmen stared at him, as she felt blood rush up to her cheeks. "Y-yep!" she answered, then groaned as soon as she moved.

Racter chuckled as he planted his hand on her arm. "Take it slow, or else my hard work would had been for naught."

Carmen sucked in a deep breath as she tried to lay back on her stomach. "Right, right... sorry."

He nodded his head as let go of her. "Once you're better, we need to talk about our next step. Oh, and we will probably are going to need something to eat, as well."

"Wait, Racter, have you slept, yet?"

"No, but-" "But, nothing! Get some sleep! I will be okay, I promise."

The two stared at each other in silence, before he sighed in defeat, and shut his eyes. "Very well, Carmen. But, I will need my coat."

She chuckled as she gladly gave him back his coat. He then grabbed her by her wrist, and pulled her close to his chest.

"You will have to stay as well. I am not going to have you run off, while I'm asleep."

Carmen scoffed. "Even if I want to, you know I can’t. I’m injured!"

Racter let out a snort. "That’s what you claim, but, you are quite stubborn, Carmen. Too stubborn.”

Before she could argue, she saw Koschei collapse on the floor. With his limbs splayed out, and his body against the door, he looked as if he was dead, especially when his engines stopped running.

Carmen looked over Racter's face to see he was already sleeping. She realized she had not seen him like this often. In a way, he seemed more human. She assumed it might had been because, he spends most of his time working, than resting.

Despite his advantage, and his goal for a posthuman future, and his lower half replaced by cyber, he is human, just like her, and any other person.

When was it that she had fallen for him, she wondered, and why?

No matter how hard she tried to remember, she couldn't. Her feelings for him just simply came to be over the time they had spent together.

A laugh escaped from her.

Doesn't matter anyway, she thought.

Carmen promised to stay by his side, until the end.

 

The sound of her PDA beeping made Carmen flinch. She sighed as she buried her head into Racter's chest, since she couldn't move to pick it up.

Instead, she shut her eyes, while listening to his slow heartbeat, thumping into her ear.

She kept her focus on that rhythm alone, until she fell asleep again.

\---

Carmen woke up to the smell of food.

As she was about to get up, she felt a hand on her back stop her.

"Slowly," Racter said, then placed a box before her.

With his help, she was able to sit up, and opened the box, revealing food within. Unable to hold herself back, she almost inhaled it all, instead of chewing it down, which made her choke.

Racter hit her on the back hard, making her cry, as she felt her back burn, from her wounds. She glared at him from the corner of her eye, but of course, he didn't feel any hint of guilt. Carmen took in a deep breath, as she slowly sat back up, and ate like a normal person should.

 

Once they were done eating, Racter helped Carmen up her feet, before he took her belongings. "I've been hearing some news, my friend," he said, as he took her by her arm.

"What sort of news?"

"Well, it seems that Lone Star has brought Midas down. However, Lilith has been on the hunt for us."

Carmen frowned. "Good, and bad news... so, what's the plan now? Hide, run, or fight?"

Racter gave her a humorless smile as he escorted her out of the building. "For now, it may be for the best for us to hide, until you've recovered. I may have to take up a few safe jobs as well."

"Do you have a place already, or...?"

"In fact, I do. A studio apartment, much like the one you used to have, but sturdier, and smaller. It seems the person who owns it doesn't care much if you have a SIN or not, as long as you pay a certain amount upfront. It may only be temporary, but, it will do."

Carmen hummed lowly, but she couldn't argue. "Okay, but I'm worried about what if Lilith finds us."

"Ah yes..." Racter paused as he thought it over, then shrugged. "Well, we will cross that bridge when we get to it."

Carmen blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I've said-" "I know, but... really, Racter? Really?" She sputtered into laughter, until her wounds began to flare up. "Fine then, I guess. Best to wait and see.”


	13. [Nelumbo Nucifera]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, canon divergence and AUs! I'm so totally breaking the lore here...

From the moment they had moved in, Carmen fell in love with the studio apartment. With some personal touch, it could feel more like a home. Unfortunately, it's only going to be temporary, like their previous ones.

At least there are the essentials, a king size bed, and a computer, with a monitor, for her to use. Her body still ached with discomfort, but she was recovering well, thanks to Racter's help.

Since she is still recovering from her injuries, she decided to kill time and explore the Shadowland for information. She hopes to find someone, who is willing to hire freelancers, or something that can help them get out of the UCAS. In the middle of her search, she felt something touch her physical body.

She jacked out as soon as possible, to see that Racter and Koschei had returned from work. "Welcome back, you two!" she greeted them, with a smile. "How was work?"

Racter huffed out a heavy sigh as he placed down a bag on the floor next to her. "To say the least, my friend... exhausting." He sat down next to her, and pulled out a white box from within the bag, to give to her.

Carmen was salivating from the scent of soy. "Thanks, Racter!" she yelled, before she started to eat the contents inside.

"What have you been doing, my friend?" he asked, while pulling out a cigarette. "Exploring the cyberworld as usual?"

She nodded with stuffed cheeks. "Yep," she replied once she gulped it down. "I've been searching for jobs, or maybe find a way to get out of Seattle... that is, if you're okay with the idea."

Racter thought it over as he took a drag. "I don't mind it, however, I believe it would be best for us to tie up the loose end we have here. Lilith."

"Ah, yes, yes, Lilith." Carmen searched for something to drink, only to realize Racter didn't buy any beverage. She pat his arm, and pointed at the sink. "Please?"

As he got up to get her a cup of water, Racter spoke. "Normally, I would have jump at the chance to dissect her by myself, but, this matter involves us both."

Carmen chuckled, while she reached out for the cup of water once he came back to her. She took a sip to wash down the food from her throat, before she carried on eating. "Of course, Racter. By the way, just so you know, some of the stuff I've been looking up were related to the Yellow Lotus."

Racter blinked. "Why are you searching for information about them, when you had left the crew?"

"I'm not searching for them exactly," she corrected him. "I only stumbled upon information on the Shadowland. It seems there has been some strange activity here in Seattle, related to a group that came from Hong Kong. They are going under the banner and name of the Yellow Lotus. I don't really know much else aside from this, but, it's just something that had caught my interest."

"Right..." He sucked on the cigarette, as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Have you forgotten that we have left them, Carmen? To my understanding, we are  _ dead _ to Kindly Cheng."

"You're not wrong, Racter, but that's why I'm trying to be careful about this. I mean... it's risky, but... I'm willing to help them, if given the chance."

"That is an idiotic move, Santos!" his voice boomed, making her flinch. "You are risking both of our lives here!"

"Well, what do you want to do then?" she asked as calmly as possible, while she shut the box of food. "If there is one thing I know about you, Racter, is that, you hate the idea of being restrained, and this job of yours is doing just that. Holding you back. Either we do some actual jobs that requires risk, and taking lives, or, we stay as we are now." Carmen took in a deep breath, before she continued. "I can't deny that I have grown tired of being stuck in this cycle of losing things, and I feel as if I'm forever bound to nothing... but, I've also grown tired of feeling sorry for myself."

Racter paused, realizing that he actually yelled at Carmen, then waved the thought away, before he gave her a wry grin. "That's what I'd hope to hear, my friend. However, you still need to recover from your injuries."

"I know." Carmen looked over to Koschei as he crawled under the bed. "It's just... boring, Racter! So  _ fragging _ boring!"

He chuckled. "Does killing entertain you?"

She blinked, then shook her head with a frown. "No! It's the thrill of danger! The near death experiences! I love that!"

Racter stared at her in disbelief. "Right. So, let's say, I put a blade to your throat... does that thrill you?"

"No, that turns me on."

"Pardon?"

"What?"

The two looked at each other in silence, before Carmen lowered her head in shame. "There is a limit to it... Remember my ex? Yeah, no, he became too creepy, and used something of mine to stalk me with, but, there is a reason why he became my boyfriend in the first place. And with you... well, it's pretty the same reason. But, at least, I know you well enough to know that I'm safe."

"Safe? With me? Despite the fact I wanted to kill you?"

"Yep. I knew, from that moment, that my fate was sealed, and I couldn't ask for anyone better than you, to take my life."

Racter wanted to say something, but found himself speechless. Instead, he crushed the cigarette between his fingertips, and threw it into the bin. He then found himself chuckling as he laid on the bed. "That's exactly the reason why I can't bring myself to kill you anymore, Carmen."

"That's what you said before as well, when we made the deal." She paused. "By the way, I can't help but notice that you've been calling me 'Carmen', instead of 'Santos'..."

"Does it bother you?"

She shook her head as she responded. "Not at all. It's just something I've noticed. It feels... as if we are really friends, instead of colleagues. But, I know I must not misunderstand you, and see it as something else... it's just... well... it makes me happy?" Carmen shrugged. "I don't know."

Racter stared at her in silence. "Well, if it bothers you, feel free to let me know, my friend."

"Okay, Racter... but, I really don't mind. Anyway, good night."

He let out a soft grunt as he shut his eyes. "By the way, Carmen... I... must apologize for yelling at you earlier."

Carmen didn't expect Racter to apologize to her. It actually unsettled her. "You're the least likely person I'd expect to apologize, but... honestly, you shouldn't be."

"Perhaps, but, if we're working together, shouldn't we at least treat other with respect?"

"But, again, you're not wrong, Racter. It is dangerous." Carmen paused to think. "Let's just leave it at that for now. Rest well."


	14. Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [You made me strong  
> When I was feeling weak  
> And we crossed  
> That one time
> 
> Late Goodbye by Poets of the Fall]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Implied Sexual Content

As she dug deeper for any information about the Yellow Lotus, Carmen felt a strange sensation run through her body. A familiar sensation of someone trying to look for something they shouldn't. She fled through the cyberworld in haste, until she was able to jack out safely back into her body.

It took her a moment to pull herself together once she was back into the real world. Her muddled mind slowly became clearer, as well as her strained vision. Carmen gulped to feel her throat was dry, but as she tried to get up, she stumbled back down on to the floor.

Carmen ran her hand over legs, feeling pins and needles. She huffed as she laid back, and stared at the ceiling.

She tends to forget that in the Matrix, times flies by quickly if she isn't careful. She may have to set up an alarm again when she remembers to.

 

Once she could feel her legs again, Carmen got up to drink some water, and open a window to take in the fresh air. With the heater on, she forgot how cold it was outside. There was something about the touch of warmth, and the chilly breeze, that gave her shivers and made her smile.

A reminder of how peaceful things can be when there is nothing to do.

Which bored her. She closed the window, then dug into her bag to find her PDA, and was caught off guard once it beeped.

She frowned at the screen, seeing that there was no ID or image of the caller. Just their number.

Though she knew she shouldn't, she accepted the call. "Hello?"

"Good even, Carmen Santos," the person was using a voice changer, making her even more uncomfortable, but, she took in a deep breath, and did not hang up. "There are news about you in the Shadowland, about what you have done. We are aware that you are not alone, so this is to you and your friend - we wish to speak to you both."

"Oh really now?" Carmen replied. "Why? To kills us?"

"Only if you don't comply to our wishes. In fact, we want to make a deal, however, we would only do so, if we meet face to face."

Carmen scowled as she looked around the room. The familiar, disgusting feeling of being watched bore into her. "You know, I have this strange idea that I'm being watched... who are you?"

"Don't worry about who we are. I will send you the coordinates to the location on where we should meet."

"Okay... but what if I decided to go alone?"

"Is that what you wish to do?"

"N-no, but, it's just a question."

"Well, we don't believe anything would change. Anyway, we will be here for at least a week. If you don't come to us, we will surely come to you."

With that, the call ended.

Carmen scowled, then hooked the PDA into her computer to find any information about the caller, but she couldn't. There was nothing, except, a virus that took her computer out within second.

With a growl, she punched through the monitor with her cyber hand in frustration.

She wasn't sure what to be angry about anymore. The fact that someone is watching her, or that she just broke both a monitor and a computer that cost her quite a bit.

Carmen sighed as she pulled back her hand, and pulled out pieces of the monitor out from her cyber. She then unplugged the entire thing, before stuffing it into the corner. Maybe she could salvage the pieces, but it wouldn't be worth it, if everything inside has been fried.

She then began to search around the room, looking for anything out of the ordinary. Cameras, drones, bugs, whatever the person implanted in this cramped up space.

Then Carmen plopped down onto the ground, with her knees to her chin, and her arms around her legs. She didn't notice that she was starting to rock back and forth, while she was lost in her mind.

 

Racter didn't expect to come back to a home in disarray, much less a very frightened Carmen.

"Carmen?" he called out, as he walked up to her.

She looked up at him with a start. It took her a moment to register that it was Racter himself, and not someone else. Tears began to run down her face as she jumped up to hug him. "I'm so glad you're back!" she sobbed into his chest.

"What happened? It seems as if someone broke in... but, I don't see any hint of blood on you."

Carmen shook her head as she sniffed. She paused as she caught the scent of perfume on his shirt, and backed away immediately. As if she didn't already have too many questions on her mind,  the smell of perfume set off something within. An ugly emotion that only rises when she is at her lowest point.

Jealousy.

"I..." she wanted to say something, but then stopped to drop the subject. "You know what... forget it. I need a moment." She turned to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Are you sure, my friend?"

Carmen nodded. "Maybe later. I just need to clear my head."

"Very well then... by the way, if I may be so bold, do you mind if I join you?"

Carmen turned to Racter in disbelief. "E-excuse me?"

He gave her a playful grin. One that is difficult to tell if he was being serious, or was just messing with her.

She growled in frustration. "Stop playing with my head, Racter!"

"I assure you my friend, I'm not playing around with you. You see, I had quite a day today - dealing with an arrogant woman, that is much worse than Lilith - and she got me thinking about something..." He paused as he eyed her. "It has been a while, hasn't it, Carmen?"

Carmen pursed her lips as she crossed her arms over her chest. "So? It's not like it matters, does it?"

Racter chuckled, as he placed down a bag with two white box of food on the bed. "But you still crave for it, don't you? Besides, I need to get this smell off."

Carmen glanced the box. "Won't it get cold?"

"Do you want to eat first, then?"

Carmen thought it over, then nodded. "Food first... then we will see..."

 

It certainly has been a long time, Carmen thought, as she laid next to Racter on the bed. He was enjoying his cigarette, while she relaxed. The sound of Koschei's limb clicking against the floor made her bury her face into the pillow.

She felt giddy, happy, and best of all, satisfied.

It made her almost forget the phone call along with everything else.

She sucked in a deep breath before she spoke. "Hey, Racter? I... had a call earlier."

Racter looked to her with a perked brow. "From who?"

"I don't know... but, they wanted to meet with us, somewhere..."

"Sounds like a trap."

"I agree... but... they say that if we don't go to them, they will come to us... and I'm not sure what they mean by that..."

Racter chuckled then took a deep drag of the cigarette. "Interesting. Were you able to trace the call?"

Carmen shook her head. "I've tried, but they destroyed my computer. I don't know how, but it seems they found a way to hack into my PDA."

"Have you tried to fix it?"

Carmen sighed. "Not worth the time or nuyen. I mean, we don't have enough of either, so, what can I do?" She paused. "And I broke my monitor too..." she muttered under her breath.

Racter grinned. "Have you checked your PDA?"

She hummed briefly as she got up from the bed, and picked up the PDA from the floor. Once she sat back down on the bed, Racter sat up to look over her shoulder. Carmen couldn't help but smile, in spite of herself. She then remembered the scent of the perfume, and the feeling of jealousy in the pit of her stomach.

As she checked her messages, Racter spoke up. "Tell me, my friend, were you bothered by the smell?"

She didn't expect that question. "W-what smell?"

"The smell of the perfume..." Racter chuckled as he took her by the chin, to bring her attention to him. "Did it make you jealous?"

Carmen frowned, but nodded slowly. "Yes... it did..."

"I see. Then would you be bothered if I said I had an affair?"

Carmen blinked, while nearly crushing the PDA in her cybernetic hand. She shook his hand off from her face, to focus on her messages instead. "Even if it does... it's not like we're in a relationship. Just because I have... feelings for you and you... satisfy my needs... it doesn't mean that we are... together..."

Racter inhaled the cigarette smoke, before blowing it away from her. "No... no it does not. However, I should confess one thing - I don't like the idea of you being with someone else either."

Carmen looked at Racter with a raised brow. "Wait, what?"

"You've heard me, my friend. Anyway, did you get any messages?"

"Wait a moment, Racter! What the hell are you saying?"

Racter gave her a grin, with the cigarette held between his teeth. “I can be jealous too, my friend."

Carmen stared at him, while holding her PDA up to her mouth. "I guess, I should be lucky that I didn't find anyone since we were separated."

"Oh?"

Carmen chuckled. "Yep. I guess I was... too out of it to find anyone. Anyway, enough of this chit-chat - if you would please let me just focus."

Racter nodded, then tapped the cigarette to let the ash fall onto the floor.

Carmen let out a curious hum, then sat closer to Racter to show him her PDA. "They want to meet us at some sort of warehouse. What do you think?"

He shrugged. "I suppose we could go see it. I recommend that you should prepare yourself for the worst, Carmen."

"Fair enough. Same to you..." She stared at the screen for a moment, trying to burn it into her memory, before she placed the PDA aside. With a huff, she lied back down, and stared at the ceiling.

She flinched when she felt Racter touch her bare legs. "W-what are you doing?"

"Taking in every detail I can, my friend." Racter turned to lift her legs above his, and ran down his fingers to trace her figure. "Even though your essence has lessened, there is still plenty for you to use to improve yourself."

Carmen frowned, but did not kick him away. She enjoyed his surprisingly gentle touch. "Y-you should be careful, Racter... I... I think we are being watched."

"Oh?" Racter chuckled deeply as he lifted his hands away from her leg. "That explains the mess... very well, I shall check for you."

"You will?"

"I don't like being spied on as much as you do." Racter picked up his bracer from the floor, and turned it on with a few taps. He looked down at Koschei for a moment, eyeing his limbs, then grinned as he looked over to Carmen. "By the way, you did say you get excited when you feel a knife on your throat, no?"

Carmen nodded with a confused frowned. "Yes, I did... why are you asking?"

Racter examined the room carefully as he answered her. "I was thinking that we could try it out, to see if what you say is true."

Carmen paused as she turned to Koschei. The drone slowly crept up to her, with his body reflecting the ceiling light. A grin slowly formed on her lips as she eyed his sharpened limbs. "Well, I wouldn't mind... but, not anytime soon, I'd hope. I've just recovered after all, and we got things to do."

"Of course, my friend, of course. But, I will keep that in mind for when the time comes. Until then, do you prefer to keep things casual between us?"

"What do you mean?"

Racter hummed as he checked under the bed. "In a 'friends with benefits' sort of way... though, 'friends' isn't exactly fitting, I believe."

Carmen was taken aback, then giggled while shaking her head. "As long as it's all consensual, I'm more than okay with it."

"Good, good." The screen on his bracer flickered away. Racter turned to her with a smile, and a nod. "This room is clear... but, you certainly made a mess, my friend."

"Don't worry, I will clean it up... I was just... paranoid."

Racter tilted his head with a raised brow. "How have you been feeling lately?"

Carmen paused as she thought about the past few days. "I've been feeling... out of it, until today. I don't know if these are symptoms of withdrawals, or whatever... I just... I don't know. All I do know is that I'm just trying my best, and as long as you're around, I believe I will be alright."

Racter smiled, but his eyes held no hint of joy or happiness. They were impassive, as always.

But, it wouldn't be Racter if he did feel emotional, she thought. Most of this is just based around cerebral, and a one sided emotional bond. Something that she had gotten used to back in Hong Kong.

Despite it, Carmen gave him a smile in return, and said, "I love you, Racter."

Racter blinked, but his smile did not falter. He took her by her hand, and pulled her close enough for him to whisper into her ear. "Those are dangerous words, Carmen."

She still smiled. "I wish to take it back then, if it made you this uncomfortable."

Racter said nothing as he held her tightly in his arms. Not a warm embrace, but neither a threatening hold. He then shook his head as he let her go. "No... it's quite alright. Just be careful with what you say. Such emotional attachment will kill you."

Carmen laughed. "I may as well enjoy my life while I still got it, Racter. I got nothing else to lose anyway."

"Very well, my friend..."


	15. Unexpected Visitors and A Madwoman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Violence.

The sound of Koschei's limbs clicking against the pavement echoed with Carmen and Racter's footsteps. The heart thumping feeling of anxiety put Carmen on edge, unlike Racter as he seemed so calm compared to her. It didn't help that the warehouse is dark. The only thing that could bring her some sense of security are the red lights illuminating on his bracer and Koschei's sensors.

She double checked her PDA, to see that they were in fact in the right location. With thinned lips, Carmen pocketed the PDA, and flicked her wrist to bring out her whip. She wrapped it around her cybernetic hand while she tried to keep her ears open.

It made her wonder if this is how Gaichu felt at times. Even if he is a trained samurai, and had learned how to live with the infection, there must had been times he felt off-put by his environment.

A chuckle escaped from her.

Then the lights of the warehouse turned on, blinding both of them.

"Hey, Seattle!" a familiar voice shouted in Cantonese.

Carmen's vision slowly started to adjust to the light, to see an ork and a dwarf stand before her. They both looked so different from the last time she had seen them, she almost didn't recognize them. "Gobbet? Isobel?" Carmen spoke up, not believing her eyes.

Gobbet chuckled as she waved at her. "Surprised to see us? I'm surprised to see you with the Russian." She snapped her fingers to Racter, and gave him a wink. "Did you get together again?"

Racter said nothing as he pulled out a cigarette to smoke. "That's personal, Gobbet," he replied smoothly in Cantonese.

"Which means 'yes'!" She laughed, then nodded her head to Isobel. "Right, do you want to take it from here, Izz?"

Isobel sighed with a shrug. "Fine... So, you go by Carmen now?"

Carmen nodded her head with pursed lips. She wasn't sure what to say, or how to say it, since she hadn't spoke Cantonese in a long time.

"Well, Carmen, we called you here, because you've been sniffing around for us... which is not what Kindly Cheng likes."

"Kindly Cheng is with you?" Racter asked, as if he knew what Carmen wanted to say.

She gave him a surprised look, before she turned back to the ladies. "Um... Racter?" she whispered to him.

"Yes, yes, I got it, my friend." He looked at her briefly with a smile. "But, I strongly recommend that you speak to them in Cantonese when you can."

Carmen paused as she retracted the whip. "I will... try..."

Gobbet and Isobel gave each other looks, before Isobel continued. "Yes, she is... and it's all thanks to Carmen here. You are aware of the fact that, Carmen has send us nuyen since she had left, right, Racter?"

He nodded.

"Well, even though we do appreciate it, Carmen, we were forced to cut off all ties with you eventually... but, it did help us to track you down... It took a lot of time and effort, but, here we are. The Yellow Lotus is in Seattle, because of you, Carmen."

Gobbet chuckled. "We are in Seattle, because of Seattle! Funny..."

Carmen blinked as she noticed both of her rats, Madness and Folly, peering through her dreads, as if eyeing her. They reminded her of the rat back at that hide out. "W-wait," she spoke up, trying her best to speak Cantonese. "How... l-long..." She stopped mid sentence when she started to fumble over her words.

She then remembered some of Raymond's lessons, and the way he could pronounce it.

Carmen took in a deep breath, before she spoke slowly. "How long... have you... been here?"

Gobbet blinked, as if she was trying to understand her. Carmen frowned at how badly she butchered it, until she said, "A few months, at least. We've been trying to keep everything quiet for as long as possible, but that's impossible when it comes to the Matrix apparently."

"Because of nosy people, like you," Isobel continued, with narrowed eyes fixed on Carmen. "We usually have to silence some of these people..."

Carmen frowned. "Silence..."

"Kill," Racter spoke up with a wry grin. "How apt." Koschei's engines whirred as his legs splayed out in different directions. "Is that why you call us out here?"

Gobbet eyed Koschei with a grin, as if she was genuinely happy to see him as well. "Actually... no. Tell us, Seattle, did you become SINless?"

Carmen nodded in silence.

"And what about Gun Show?"

She shook her head.

"Is he dead or alive?"

"Very much alive," Racter answered. "But, we aren't associated with him anymore."

"Really?" Isobel scoffed. "What a surprise."

"Isn't it?" Racter gave a brief laugh. "It's true, however. Carmen and I are both trying to get by, since we have brought down her boss, Midas."

"I've heard about that on the Shadowland," Isobel said. "And it was with Gun Show's help, wasn't it? Well, whatever. If you're truly no longer working with anyone, especially Gun Show, we are here to speak to you about a proposal... from Kindly herself."

"What?!" Carmen yelped. "A proposal? From Kindly Cheng?"

Gobbet and Isobel stared at each other, unable to understand her intangible Cantonese.

Racter placed a hand on Carmen's shoulder. "I think it's better for you to stop for now, my friend... let me speak for you."

Carmen paused, then nodded her head in agreement. "Go ahead..."

Racter inhaled the cigarette smoke deeply, before he spoke, letting it all out in a puff. "What sort of proposal?"

"Considering our history," Isobel said, "Kindly sees you two as hindrances, but also assets. You see, I've found Carmen on the Shadowland once, digging for information about us, but Gobbet had saw you two together once before."

Racter frowned. "So you both were spying on us?"

"It's not just us," Isobel corrected. "There are Yellow Lotus everywhere, but we know how to hide. Anyway, considering what you've done to another fixer, and what Carmen had done several months ago, it's a given that you both are not to be trusted, but, that can change, if you do us a few favors."

"Favors?"

"You see-" Isobel stopped, when Carmen's PDA went off.

Carmen gave them an apologetic smile as she checked it. To her surprise, the caller was Lilith. Carmen paused as she looked over everyone staring at her. "Carry on without me, Racter..." she said, before she turned on her heel and left the warehouse.

Before either of the ladies spoke, Racter rose up his hand to stop them. "She will be back. Now then, please continue."

\---

Once she accepted the call, Carmen was shocked to hear the sound of a girl crying, while Lilith stared her down through the screen, with her lips curled so wickedly. "You hear that?" Lilith asked. "That's precious, little Fiona, Santos... and she is all alone, with me... now then, if you want her alive, come to me at the clinic, or else she will die... or worse."

The call ended before she could say anything.

She didn't realize how tight she held her PDA, until she crushed it in her cyber hand.

Carmen snarled as she dropped the broken PDA, and rushed to the clinic without a second thought.

 

Carmen burst through the door, locking eyes with Lilith as she held Fiona by the hair.

Moira was nowhere to be seen.

"Let her go," Carmen growled, while she brought out her whip. "It's between you and me."

Lilith chuckled as she pushed Fiona on to the floor, exposing her broken cybernetic legs.

Something within Carmen snapped, making her pounce towards Lilith, only to be punched in the gut. She stumbled, but quickly turned on her heel to kick Lilith across the face.

She fell back onto a table with a laugh.

Fiona squealed as she crawled under a bed to hide. "Moira... please... come back..." she whispered through sobs.

Carmen lashed her whip at Lilith, only to cut the table in half, while she quickly ran out the door. She beckoned Carmen to follow her, before she bolted down the road.

Blinded by fury, she ran after her.

She didn't realize where Lilith was bringing her, until they stopped at Midas' casino, now abandoned and emptied. Enough space for the two.

"Come on, Carmen. Let's do this like good old shadowrunners - fighting dirty!" Lilith dug her hand into her pocket to set off an explosion where the bar was. It set off a fire that surrounded them, thanks to the line of alcohol on the floor.

Carmen once again lashed out at her, but Lilith swiftly moved aside, then ran up to her, to take her by the arm. Before she realized it, Lilith pulled out double barrel shotgun, aimed it at her cybernetic arm, and unleashed both bullets onto it.

Carmen cried out in pain, before she was released and kicked in the stomach. She collapsed onto the ground, unable to breathe. Lilith then planted her foot on her back to pin her down, while reloading her shotgun.

She started to sputter, then burst out into fits of maniacal laughter. "Pitiful!" she yelled.

Carmen struggled to get up, only to be kicked back down.

"And you supposedly fought a god..." Lilith sighed. "I'd hoped for something more. Oh well."

Lilith pressed the shotgun against the back of Carmen's head.

Before she could pull the trigger, Carmen grabbed a hold of the gun by twisting her cybernetic arm, and forced it away from her head quickly, before kicking the back of Lilith's leg.

Lilith saw stars before her eyes as soon as her head hit the floor. As she tried to pull herself together, Carmen climbed on top of her, and wrapped both of her hands around her throat.

"H-how?!"

Carmen gave her a smile. "Improvements, thanks to Dr. Racter." She then tightened her grip, making Lilith gasp and choke, while she slapped her hands against Carmen's face. She even dug her nails into her skin, but Carmen did not flinch. She let her run them down her face, leaving behind open wounds before they flopped onto the floor.

To make sure she was dead, Carmen took her shotgun, and blasted two shots into her head.

She then got up, and looked around.

It was hard to breathe, which made her even more determined to get out alive.

Without another thought, she ran through the flames, and out through the door.

 

Carmen's clothes were damaged, along with her belongings. She sat in the shadows, taking in the sight of smoke and fire, and the sound of alarms of firefighters arriving to the scene. A smile crept on her lips as she watched them extinguish the flames, then heard someone shouting that there is a body in there.

Carmen took in a deep breath.

It felt good, she thought. Too bad Racter wasn't there to see it.

The world then faded away as she fell backwards onto the ground.

\---

Carmen woke up to the sight of fluorescent lights above her. It took her a moment to realize her mouth and nose were covered by an oxygen mask. She tried to speak, only to cough harshly. She forced herself to breathe in deeply, until her breathing became steady.

She then heard the sounds of a machine whirring loudly in the room, and slowly turned her head to see Koschei grinding his limbs against the floor.

"You can't believe how absolutely furious I am, my friend," Racter spoke up rather calmly. "You ran off without telling us... and I've thought you were dead when we found you. Fortunately, that is not the case."

Carmen shut her eyes.

"And you're injured too." He paused. "Did it feel good?"

Carmen shrugged.

Racter let out a snort. "Then I will make you feel something better, once we have the chance to, of course."

Carmen wanted to laugh and say, "I will be looking forward to it." Instead, she reached out her right arm for him to take into his hands. That familiar warmth made her so happy, she felt tears well up in her eyes. There were so many things she wanted to say and yell, but just couldn't.

It pained her.

She then felt Racter moved his hands up to her shoulder, neck, then forehead. Carmen opened her eyes to see him so close to her. His impassive, snow white eyes bore into hers, as he slowly raised her hand between them. He planted his lips on the metal, which made her smile.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she wanted to ask. "Why do you act as if you're so in love with me, when in truth, you aren't? I can see it as clear as day that you don't feel the same way. And yet... I'm so in love with you, it's maddening." Carmen raised her clawed hands to his smiling lips. "You are slowly killing me, Racter."

"We have so much to discuss my friend," he said. "But, it can wait, of course. For now, rest. We will need you in tip top shape."

Carmen gave him a perplexed stare. He chuckled as he held her hand tightly.

"From now on, I am going to keep a very close eye on you, my friend. Oh, and you can't use your name anymore. Carmen Santos perished in the flames, while the woman who attacked Moira has 'disappeared'. It was Isobel's idea to once again kill you off from the world." He shrugged. "Since it will take some time for you to recover, you can think it over."

Carmen eyed his bracer, then grabbed his hand with both hands and shook it with eagerness.

"What, you already have a name? Or is it something else?"

Carmen took in a deep breath, then tapped onto his bracer to bring up a screen. Racter scowled at her from messing with his device, but what she typed was a couple of questions. "Is Moira and Fiona all right? Is Fiona's legs fixed? Will they be all right?"

"Yes, yes, and yes. Gobbet and Isobel helped them, considering that they are no longer associated with Midas."

Carmen paused, then typed in something else on his bracer. Racter eyed it for a moment, then looked at her with a knowing smile. "Are you sure?"

She slowly nodded.

"Very well. I shall let them know. Is that all?"

She thought about it, then typed in one last thing into his bracer, before letting him go.

He read it carefully, before huffing out a sigh, then turned off the flickering image. "If you really want to know the truth, then yes, I did."

She flinched.

"But, does it really matter anymore? All that is in the past, so let's look towards our future. A better future, where we can achieve so much more together. Nothing would make me happier, than to have you by my side, Capricious, just like we had promised."

She frowned as she rose up her hand up to her neck, to mimic a throat slit.

He grinned. "That still applies, so don't worry." Racter chuckled. "Anyway, you should rest, my friend. I will be here if you need anything, since I don't have much to do anyway."

Capricious gave him a thumbs up, before laying her hands down.

For once, it felt as if things are going to get better. She could only hope it stays true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, massive shout out to Circuit Breaker! If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't had found an application that can help me with writing on Ao3. Thaaanks!
> 
> Hopefully, my stories will have less errors from here on, which is one step further into what I am trying to do. Get better at writing! haha!


	16. Born To Die

Capricious was strapped down in a wooden chair, with little clothing. Her cybernetic arm was taken away, done by Racter himself, under Kindly Cheng’s orders. He could only wish her luck, and hope that she will still be breathing by the end of this.

At least he has got it easier. He had given most of his funds to Kindly to get out of trouble, and had hoped to do the same for Capricious, but, she had to pay for her crimes.

She didn't mind. She deserves this, she thought.

The sound of a thud, as if something heavy landed on a table, echoed in the small room. Capricious eyed Strangler Bao, both surprised, and frightened, to see him. She took in a deep breath as she relaxed in the chair.

Now, she could only hear nothing, but the sounds of her drumming heart in her ears, while Bao went to work.

\---

With his usual smile, and impassive eyes, Racter made sure that Capricious' arm was back in her metal socket.

Bruises, cuts, broken limbs and bones was all she is, but Capricious seemed a little bit at peace with it. Perhaps it was the painkillers, that made her so high, her mind has drifted to some other reality. Far from their current, and hopefully permanent, home, that is the basement of a Yellow Lotus hideout.

A home, made from parts of the Dowager Empress.

They gave Racter his old equipment back, though they were in terrible condition. Nothing that couldn't be fixed, he thought.

Once he finished drilling the last screw in place, he helped Capricious up her feet, to guide her to their bed for her to rest. He then went straight to work to repair his machinery.

 

Racter heard the steps of someone coming into the basement. "You need something from me, Gobbet?" he asked, not bothering to turn his attention away from his work.

Gobbet chuckled as she shook her head, and nodded to Koschei as he appeared from under the bed. She then eyed Capricious with a wry smile. "Came by to check on Seattle. Wanted to heal her, if you're okay with it."

"Go ahead... the sooner she recovers, the better." Racter took in a deep breath, then huffed. "That woman gets injured so often, I'm surprised to see her with most of her limbs still intact."

Gobbet snorted as she moved above Capricious, and hovered her hands over her body. Capricious stirred, but did not wake, while Gobbet mended her injuries. "She certainly hasn't changed over the months, then. I was worried."

"Really now?"

"Really. Seattle is... well, she was the glue that kept us together when she was our leader. Unfortunately, we have another leader now, that you guys will have to answer to instead."

"Ah yes..." Racter shook his head, before he walked up to the terminal to power down the machinery. "Kindly Cheng has picked an interesting person, but, as long as they don't get in our way, I don't really care."

"I wish I could say the same." Gobbet sighed as she lifted her hands away from Capricious, letting her sleep peacefully. "But, as Kindly Cheng puts it, you both are too important. Seattle knows more about this place than we do. Even if we do try to dig up as many information as we can, it will be quicker to have someone who really knows the place better than we do."

"That’s why we are still alive," Racter says matter-of-factly, then gives her a dry chuckle. "Well, here we are now. However, I don't expect our current leader to put us to good use. If Kindly Cheng truly wants to use us to our fullest potential, let us make our own decisions..." He paused. "But that wouldn’t work with her and her plans.”

Gobbet shook her head as she headed towards the door. "If we could, we would have Seattle as our leader already... but, we just have to do what we have to do. It's best to obey Kindly Cheng, no matter what."

Racter grinned as he pulled out a cigarette from his pocket. "Like old times..."

Gobbet chuckled before she left the room.

 

Capricious felt the burning sensation of pain throughout her body as she woke up.

As much as she hated it, she couldn't complain about it, since barely anyone would listen to her.

She slowly sat up on the bed, and looked to Racter as he slept beside her. Considering the hideout is quite small, and the other rooms were taken, they had no choice but to share the same room and bed. At least they had their own bathroom too.

Capricious looked around the room, taking in every detail she could. They were given the basement, which left enough room for them both to have their own set-up. Racter with his machines and fabricators, and Capricious with spare computers, monitors, and servers.

They both could do better, but with Kindly Cheng as their boss, they could only do so much with what they have for the time being.

Which is fine by Capricious. This meant a new start for her, and she hoped to once again prove her worth to Kindly and her new leader.

It felt unreal at first, but after they had tortured her for her betrayal, the pain she felt even now tells her it's certainly not a dream.

She laughed, only to hiss when she felt a shooting pain through her abdomen. They may as well cut out her ovaries with what they had done

Capricious sucked in a deep breath as she slowly laid back down. It may take some time to adjust to the changes, but, at least Kindly Cheng, and the rest of the Yellow Lotus, gave her a second chance.

Well, her and Racter.

She still couldn't believe he bought his way out of being tortured.

Capricious pursed her lips, as she slowly dug her hands into his pockets, searching for his PDA. As she tried to reach into his back pocket, Capricious was grabbed by her cheeks. Racter raised up her head to gaze into his eyes with a wry smile.

She gave him a grin in return as she pulled back her hands.

"Do you want something?" he asked her.

"N-no..." she lied.

Racter chuckled as he ran his hands down to her collarbone. "Certainly seems like you were searching for something... too bad you're injured, my friend, or I would had teached you how to not touch someone in their sleep."

Capricious sighed. "I shouldn't had... sorry, Racter. I just... wanted to look for your PDA, and see how much nuyen you have left."

He narrowed his eyes as he wrapped his hands around her throat. "For what reason?"

"Considering how strict she is, I assume you must had spend most, if not all, your nuyen to get out of being tortured.”

Racter huffed. "I tried to buy both our way out of torture... but, given with what happened, there was nothing that we could had done. You did a great amount of damage to the Yellow Lotus."

"I sure did, didn't I?" Capricious rose up her fingers to touch his hand. "I'm glad they are still around, however."

Racter eyed her as he pressed his thumb over her chin. "I'm sure you are... but, you have a lot to do to make up for it. I will be glad to help you, of course, for my own benefit."

Capricious chuckled. "Of course... I'm just... glad to have you too, Racter. Sorry for being a thorn to your side."

"I will either get used to it, or I will pluck you out, my friend. Now then, keep your hands to yourself, and rest. I need you in stable condition for work."

"Shall do. Thanks, Racter…” She paused. “Do you mind if I... hug you?"

Racter sighed as he adjusted himself to let her rest her head on his chest.

She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but, even though nothing about this means anything to him, it certainly means a lot to her.

He must had understood that at some point, she thought, or else, he wouldn't allow her to be so physically close to him like this, just like before. Capricious took in a deep breath, taking in the scent of cigarette smoke from his shirt. A smile crept on her lips as she shut her eyes.

Despite her pain, he made her feel better.

She could question why, but she knows he is just humoring her.

If anything, he is only doing this, to keep her on his side.

Capricious sighed as she buried her face into his chest. No matter what, she will stick with him, for as long as possible, with or without the Yellow Lotus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is it for now. I had so much more planned, but, I think it's better to end it here, before I drag it on for too long. Besides, I don't think I did a great job with this story. I may rewrite it one day, but for now, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for your time, and hope you folks take it easy!


End file.
